In this episode I discuss: Doechii’s win and what that meant for me, my struggles with body image, vulnerability, Beyonce’s impact with Cowboy Carter, my future plans, and my relationship with my sexuality.
Your weight vulnerabilities are legitimate. I don't think whether you are female or male, this side of the brain works over time.
I remember growing up in the boogie-down Bronx, first-generation hip hop, break dancing, and graffiti. I always felt the bigger in my head. But I wasn't that big kid, built in the natural muscular frame, broad shoulders, huge calves, thick forearms, and big triceps. So I had this complex vulnerability about my weight where I felt certain anxiety disfigured when I was around some of the neighborhood thugs, who were naturally healthy, ex-offenders, who spent years away at these schools and homes specifically designed for students labeled as maladjusted and/or emotionally disturbed. When they returned home they had not only this Sergio Oliva man but this swag where I was in their presence with any of them, I seemed like the guy who would get sand kicked in my face like on the beach, and not only my girl taken but my money too.
Remember this was only the psychic working overtime. The shit nearly ruin me because I didn't learn anything in school because of the ADHD propensity that I wore on my sleeves.
Being small was one of those vulnerable experiences I wouldn't like to revisit, to become an avoidant of my natural weight so light. My girlfriend, if she decided, probably could lift me right out of my sneakers. I would go down to the boxing gym to learn how to fight and eat everything I could find when I along with my RAT PACK would walk by the fruit stand on Jerome Avenue and grab apples, oranges, and bananas. Eating on my way to where they ever I landed. I would eat all the food in my fridge and start going shopping for clothes and food. That was the hustle of this skinny little kid who engaged and became quite an expert.
But it didn't dawn on me until I was a little older and still weight hypnotized, had to have my weight and fashion-designed clothes. Yeah, I plunge further into criminal activities. I realized later that the huge kids, symmetrically built were not as strong, healthy as I was, nor courageous as I was. I wanted the weight but I didn't start growing until I was an adult. After that had finally bid in prison, got married, and began to raise my two daughters. However, I had a lion claw and the fist of courage where I was that skinny kid but with the heart of a lion. Whenever I got into fights, I would kick those built guys' asses and much bigger guys than myself.
Yet, I was not happy with this shit. The public schools diagnosed me with ADHD. What the fuck was that I thought! I had to go to a psychiatrist once a week when that didn’t work, they expelled me from the school and sent me to a 600 school. That still didn’t resolve my weight issue. It only kept me on this adhd diagnostic watch and the edge.
I was an adult, gave my girl a baby, and went to jail, and still, I had to realize I was not going to be this cat with thick arms, broad shoulders, and chest 6 inches beneath my tiny neck. I was the small at that the guys respected and didn't give me hind to kiss.
With that said, I realized when I was born I was 4 lb, pre-matured, but the Doctor told my mom I was the healthiest infant in the family of three siblings.
I realized that I didn't have to be this big gigantic kid but had the spirit of Bruce Lee and was a strong lanky black boy who had the heart of Muhammad Ali and the courage of hands of stone.
Finally, the weight dissolved as I became an adult and I began to concentrate more on being a healthy young man. Running, swimming, working push-ups, and calisthenics became therapeutic for me. Yet I fought this adhd labeling until I began to tell my story, reclaim my value, and my history, and define my life on the terms and experiences I had lived.
PS
So it's alright to be a slim fined ass bitch with the heart of an organizer, a leader, and the mind of an intellectual. As long as you watch your diet and keep in spiritual, social, physical, and emotional balance. You will be able to claim everything desire.
Every time l read a kamory story l feel like l am looking in the mirror. Even though our lives are completely different, the raw honesty in the stories makes me question the dimensions of my own life. It's the kinda of vulnerability l gravitate towards
Same!🧝🏽♀️🧝🏽♀️🧝🏽♀️
Your weight vulnerabilities are legitimate. I don't think whether you are female or male, this side of the brain works over time.
I remember growing up in the boogie-down Bronx, first-generation hip hop, break dancing, and graffiti. I always felt the bigger in my head. But I wasn't that big kid, built in the natural muscular frame, broad shoulders, huge calves, thick forearms, and big triceps. So I had this complex vulnerability about my weight where I felt certain anxiety disfigured when I was around some of the neighborhood thugs, who were naturally healthy, ex-offenders, who spent years away at these schools and homes specifically designed for students labeled as maladjusted and/or emotionally disturbed. When they returned home they had not only this Sergio Oliva man but this swag where I was in their presence with any of them, I seemed like the guy who would get sand kicked in my face like on the beach, and not only my girl taken but my money too.
Remember this was only the psychic working overtime. The shit nearly ruin me because I didn't learn anything in school because of the ADHD propensity that I wore on my sleeves.
Being small was one of those vulnerable experiences I wouldn't like to revisit, to become an avoidant of my natural weight so light. My girlfriend, if she decided, probably could lift me right out of my sneakers. I would go down to the boxing gym to learn how to fight and eat everything I could find when I along with my RAT PACK would walk by the fruit stand on Jerome Avenue and grab apples, oranges, and bananas. Eating on my way to where they ever I landed. I would eat all the food in my fridge and start going shopping for clothes and food. That was the hustle of this skinny little kid who engaged and became quite an expert.
But it didn't dawn on me until I was a little older and still weight hypnotized, had to have my weight and fashion-designed clothes. Yeah, I plunge further into criminal activities. I realized later that the huge kids, symmetrically built were not as strong, healthy as I was, nor courageous as I was. I wanted the weight but I didn't start growing until I was an adult. After that had finally bid in prison, got married, and began to raise my two daughters. However, I had a lion claw and the fist of courage where I was that skinny kid but with the heart of a lion. Whenever I got into fights, I would kick those built guys' asses and much bigger guys than myself.
Yet, I was not happy with this shit. The public schools diagnosed me with ADHD. What the fuck was that I thought! I had to go to a psychiatrist once a week when that didn’t work, they expelled me from the school and sent me to a 600 school. That still didn’t resolve my weight issue. It only kept me on this adhd diagnostic watch and the edge.
I was an adult, gave my girl a baby, and went to jail, and still, I had to realize I was not going to be this cat with thick arms, broad shoulders, and chest 6 inches beneath my tiny neck. I was the small at that the guys respected and didn't give me hind to kiss.
With that said, I realized when I was born I was 4 lb, pre-matured, but the Doctor told my mom I was the healthiest infant in the family of three siblings.
I realized that I didn't have to be this big gigantic kid but had the spirit of Bruce Lee and was a strong lanky black boy who had the heart of Muhammad Ali and the courage of hands of stone.
Finally, the weight dissolved as I became an adult and I began to concentrate more on being a healthy young man. Running, swimming, working push-ups, and calisthenics became therapeutic for me. Yet I fought this adhd labeling until I began to tell my story, reclaim my value, and my history, and define my life on the terms and experiences I had lived.
PS
So it's alright to be a slim fined ass bitch with the heart of an organizer, a leader, and the mind of an intellectual. As long as you watch your diet and keep in spiritual, social, physical, and emotional balance. You will be able to claim everything desire.
Peace babe sis
stay weird. it’s the only way to survive this life 🫂 thanks for this piece/peace.
❤️
Every time l read a kamory story l feel like l am looking in the mirror. Even though our lives are completely different, the raw honesty in the stories makes me question the dimensions of my own life. It's the kinda of vulnerability l gravitate towards
The way you worded this was so real & it resonated so deeply. Preciate you for sharing your written & spoken words 🤎