The frustrating thing about the unevolved avoidants is they are often fantastic people
There's a real tightrope between meeting them where they are at and accepting them vs not trauma bonding myself over-accomodating them, setting boundaries, and trying to communicate in healthy ways even if it isn't acknowledged or reciprocated
Thank you for sharing your raw emotions, as I’m sure it’s not easy. You shared so much good info on understanding avoidants. As for the podcast, I so deeply understand the desire to teach men a lesson and show them their own behavior, but I’ve only learned how toxic that becomes. I’d say that as a person that’s evolving, it shows more security on your behalf to just leave the situation as it is because at the end of it, you just end up hurting yourself again and he still sees nothing. The biggest lesson learned for him would be not having you around. However I do understand the wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt and sympathize with him, but like you said, you can do that from a distance so you’re not the one getting hurt. With love, Val.
It's a situationship. Run. The energy you keep putting there will keep you from moving forward to what is meant for you. We waste so much time on people like this cause we see the potential.. potential energy is not active energy.. I refuse to feed their egos.. they love knowing someone waiting in the wings for them... And that is where you will stay in the wings. Chase yourself.
You are not crazy, but you are a part of an interpersonal dynamic. You cannot change him and you take you into every relationship you participate in. I’d be willing to tell you where I think things awry for you, if you’d like.
“I have real feelings and emotions”- my avoidant ex. The lady doth protest too much. If you have to tell someone you have a thing that everyone has by default, you don’t. “I have a heart too…” words. Word salad. Type of shit people say when they’re trying to convince you that they feel or have a heart. They don’t. Words. I’m only a few minutes into this and already furious with this guy.
Problem us avoidants have is having these types of important conversations over text. We shouldn’t be having any emotionally intimate or vulnerable conversations over text message it’s just asking for trouble, and asking to be lied to and manipulated by these dickheads.
20mins into it now and this is such stereotypical avoidant BS, same patterns over and over so predictable. No point in even arguing with him that is your mistake in even engaging with this nonsense and shit that will fuck with your mental health. Block and move on. You were in revenge mode.
Been there twice! For over 20 years of my life. Whose fault is it. Ours For staying Wasted time and emotions towards them! Not ourselves that we could have evolved into the people we were meant to be. Here I am almost 60 discovering myself again! At this point everyone is a red flag. I’m a red flag because I like weird people right I accept people for who they are. Lol my daughter is always like why u talking to him. Or move away from that guy he gives me murderer vibes lol
I don’t like Dontae for you 😩. His actions don’t align with him words , he’s gaslighting you and being manipulative and very selfish man and power driven. He wants control and access over you without earning it and it’s just going to continue to make you crash out and disrupt your nervous system. I know you know he’s not emotionally unavailable, but he’s also not self-aware and has a strong sense of entitlement. You said you loved him but what about him to you love? Is it love or just unhealthy connection/attachment? What does love mean and look like to you ? Love is not just a feeling it’s actions too. This is coming from someone who’s been in the same predicament.
I don’t like the situation for you and I feel like it’s going to wear on self-esteem in the long run . Dont let your empathy put yourself in second place, direct your empathy towards yourself. Donate is causing casual trauma to you. Are you into nervous system regulation? Have you heard of EFT tapping I think if you look into that. Thanks for sharing you story its the story many of us have❤️❤️
Has “Dante” ever revealed to you what his personal problems are, aside from his obvious jealousy? It looks to me like he has a near-pornographic obsession with you with him wanting pictures of you, rather than hugs.
Thanks
The frustrating thing about the unevolved avoidants is they are often fantastic people
There's a real tightrope between meeting them where they are at and accepting them vs not trauma bonding myself over-accomodating them, setting boundaries, and trying to communicate in healthy ways even if it isn't acknowledged or reciprocated
As a man reading this, I thought this was another rant/venting about men but as I continued reading it became much more real and deeper than that.
I been healing from past trauma and trying to focus on myself.
I don't want to hurt a woman's heart becuase I know it's fragile.
CBT can and will change you.
Thank you for sharing your raw emotions, as I’m sure it’s not easy. You shared so much good info on understanding avoidants. As for the podcast, I so deeply understand the desire to teach men a lesson and show them their own behavior, but I’ve only learned how toxic that becomes. I’d say that as a person that’s evolving, it shows more security on your behalf to just leave the situation as it is because at the end of it, you just end up hurting yourself again and he still sees nothing. The biggest lesson learned for him would be not having you around. However I do understand the wanting to give him the benefit of the doubt and sympathize with him, but like you said, you can do that from a distance so you’re not the one getting hurt. With love, Val.
Beautifully said!!
It's a situationship. Run. The energy you keep putting there will keep you from moving forward to what is meant for you. We waste so much time on people like this cause we see the potential.. potential energy is not active energy.. I refuse to feed their egos.. they love knowing someone waiting in the wings for them... And that is where you will stay in the wings. Chase yourself.
This guy doesn’t even come close to the bar. You shouldn’t take even a quarter of this foolishness.
You are not crazy, but you are a part of an interpersonal dynamic. You cannot change him and you take you into every relationship you participate in. I’d be willing to tell you where I think things awry for you, if you’d like.
“I have real feelings and emotions”- my avoidant ex. The lady doth protest too much. If you have to tell someone you have a thing that everyone has by default, you don’t. “I have a heart too…” words. Word salad. Type of shit people say when they’re trying to convince you that they feel or have a heart. They don’t. Words. I’m only a few minutes into this and already furious with this guy.
Problem us avoidants have is having these types of important conversations over text. We shouldn’t be having any emotionally intimate or vulnerable conversations over text message it’s just asking for trouble, and asking to be lied to and manipulated by these dickheads.
20mins into it now and this is such stereotypical avoidant BS, same patterns over and over so predictable. No point in even arguing with him that is your mistake in even engaging with this nonsense and shit that will fuck with your mental health. Block and move on. You were in revenge mode.
Been there twice! For over 20 years of my life. Whose fault is it. Ours For staying Wasted time and emotions towards them! Not ourselves that we could have evolved into the people we were meant to be. Here I am almost 60 discovering myself again! At this point everyone is a red flag. I’m a red flag because I like weird people right I accept people for who they are. Lol my daughter is always like why u talking to him. Or move away from that guy he gives me murderer vibes lol
I don’t like Dontae for you 😩. His actions don’t align with him words , he’s gaslighting you and being manipulative and very selfish man and power driven. He wants control and access over you without earning it and it’s just going to continue to make you crash out and disrupt your nervous system. I know you know he’s not emotionally unavailable, but he’s also not self-aware and has a strong sense of entitlement. You said you loved him but what about him to you love? Is it love or just unhealthy connection/attachment? What does love mean and look like to you ? Love is not just a feeling it’s actions too. This is coming from someone who’s been in the same predicament.
I don’t like the situation for you and I feel like it’s going to wear on self-esteem in the long run . Dont let your empathy put yourself in second place, direct your empathy towards yourself. Donate is causing casual trauma to you. Are you into nervous system regulation? Have you heard of EFT tapping I think if you look into that. Thanks for sharing you story its the story many of us have❤️❤️
I’ve dealt with an avoidant for 1 year and was in a relationship with a narcissist for 6 years. NEVER AGAIN!!!
RUN
This was so well explained fr
For me, I have reader’s block because people have not been reading my writing.
Has “Dante” ever revealed to you what his personal problems are, aside from his obvious jealousy? It looks to me like he has a near-pornographic obsession with you with him wanting pictures of you, rather than hugs.
Yes, and my faith in God combined with therapy has help significantly.
I highly recommend cognitive behavioral therapy and also checking up if IG account