I’m enjoying this so much I can’t cope - the resonance the truths the permission the fearful avoidance the CACKLES of laughter - and this “after being in isolation for fifteen hundred years from others. Like GWORLLLL, how you even know?” ((Followed by even just the few words starting the next paragraph (sandwiching that chefs kiss Kamala pic)) - is making me die because of how accurate this is and how much it resonates with my current self now looking upon the self that retreated into isolation to “fix myself and then realise my superhuman potential” in 2016 for “three months” which turned into nearly three years which turned into a couple of shaky years amongst people that quickly taught me lessons that made me shrink back that just…. I don’t know, I’m just finding this so resonant and so funny and so FRESH IN MY FACE IN PARCHED DESERT omg did I say, my background on WhatsApp and my phone screen is now that goat being free but cringe. I am trying to resist the urge to delete this cos ok no here we go (thank u for writing and watering and uplifting my soul soul soul with like truly entertaining truth telling !!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so lucky coming across this - it’s all the things I want that nourish me in one beautiful piece of art!!!!!!!!!) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Thanks for the thoughtful advice, I enjoyed reading it.
I think a lot of advice points you (rightly) deconstructed can begin from a kernel of good intentions. A lot of them could start off being about protecting oneself from being the less involved party in an asymmetrical relationship, or making sure you’re valuing yourself — but when that sort of thing gets reduced into hyper specific behavioural criteria or very non-specific jingos … it’s a bad recipe.
Dating is hard enough already without having the whole thing messed up by off-kilter advice.
I needed to respond to this in real time because WHEW! I clicked on it because the title touched on something ive been feeling lately but I don't even have the words for all the ways this spoke to me!
You: "Do y’all even like one another nowadays?" Me: No but really...I can't tell
You: "So DON’T piss me off, nigga." Me: period because that can change expeditiously
“Bitch, who told you I NEEDED to do that?” Me: HA Right! I just ain't afraid to tell this nigga come on with it
"Like GWORLLLL, how you even know?" They don't! They have no idea! It's easy to be boundaried and emotional intelligent when ain't nobody around triggering your shit
I could go on + on but in essence you sounds like my kinda people. Put my recent thoughts as I reenter the dating scene into words. I feel so seen!
Also it was refreshing to witness someone saying nigga + cussing so freely on here. Sometimes I feel like Substack keeps it too cute.
Years ago, I did a brief stint writing for women’s magazines — as a “guy expert” … my editors wanted me to write advice like this and I was like 🙅🏼♂️🙅🏼♂️🙅🏼♂️
This title is perfect.. lol 😆 i've been in a steady relationship for the past 13 years.. Unfortunately i have a need to try to help single mom's in my in law family
“If they wanted to they would” is one im so tired of hearing. It just gives entitled and lazy to me. Especially if it’s in the beginning of dating. Communication and intentions/effort are a two way street. No one is out here trying to read your mind!
FINALLY SOMEONE REAL. YES. I WANT TO FIND MY WRITING VOICE LIKE THIS. I AGREE W THIS SO BAD, WHEN DID BEING DISTANT BECOME THIS STANDARD FOR BEING WANTED AND LOVABLE???
Thanks for writing this. Not a fearful avoidant here but I agree with most of the things you have written. I do not like mind games. I can not curate myself to be something I am not. I have been single for good 4 yrs now. Working on myself, breaking cycles and decided to never to give up on my standards and to always go with my gut instincts. I know exactly what I want and honestly, lot of men available in the dating pool do not meet my requirements and our values do not match. I agree to have an identity outside the relationship is so important and I also have disdain for the sentence "don't date till you are healed".. I mean healing is a journey and this line sounds similar to people who write "no drama" or "positive vibes only" while being the cause of drama. As a person who does want kids, I am looking for a man who can be emotionally present partner and emotionally present parent. Like show me your growth, who you are as a person than your job or your money or your height. I can not do non-chalant men. I like love letters , notes, men who do what they say, being intersectional feminist in genuine ways etc.. The "popular" dating advices and articles I have read made me roll my eyes. It is like they cater to sexism and expect women to tone down a lot. I like how men think that cause I am 37 so I should be desperate for relationship and settling down while it is the opposite. so lot of things you have written here is right.
I’m enjoying this so much I can’t cope - the resonance the truths the permission the fearful avoidance the CACKLES of laughter - and this “after being in isolation for fifteen hundred years from others. Like GWORLLLL, how you even know?” ((Followed by even just the few words starting the next paragraph (sandwiching that chefs kiss Kamala pic)) - is making me die because of how accurate this is and how much it resonates with my current self now looking upon the self that retreated into isolation to “fix myself and then realise my superhuman potential” in 2016 for “three months” which turned into nearly three years which turned into a couple of shaky years amongst people that quickly taught me lessons that made me shrink back that just…. I don’t know, I’m just finding this so resonant and so funny and so FRESH IN MY FACE IN PARCHED DESERT omg did I say, my background on WhatsApp and my phone screen is now that goat being free but cringe. I am trying to resist the urge to delete this cos ok no here we go (thank u for writing and watering and uplifting my soul soul soul with like truly entertaining truth telling !!!!!!!!!!!!! I feel so lucky coming across this - it’s all the things I want that nourish me in one beautiful piece of art!!!!!!!!!) xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Oh wowwwww i really appreciate this! I’m so happy this resonated🤎
Thanks for the thoughtful advice, I enjoyed reading it.
I think a lot of advice points you (rightly) deconstructed can begin from a kernel of good intentions. A lot of them could start off being about protecting oneself from being the less involved party in an asymmetrical relationship, or making sure you’re valuing yourself — but when that sort of thing gets reduced into hyper specific behavioural criteria or very non-specific jingos … it’s a bad recipe.
Dating is hard enough already without having the whole thing messed up by off-kilter advice.
Thanks again for the read!
I needed to respond to this in real time because WHEW! I clicked on it because the title touched on something ive been feeling lately but I don't even have the words for all the ways this spoke to me!
You: "Do y’all even like one another nowadays?" Me: No but really...I can't tell
You: "So DON’T piss me off, nigga." Me: period because that can change expeditiously
“Bitch, who told you I NEEDED to do that?” Me: HA Right! I just ain't afraid to tell this nigga come on with it
"Like GWORLLLL, how you even know?" They don't! They have no idea! It's easy to be boundaried and emotional intelligent when ain't nobody around triggering your shit
I could go on + on but in essence you sounds like my kinda people. Put my recent thoughts as I reenter the dating scene into words. I feel so seen!
Also it was refreshing to witness someone saying nigga + cussing so freely on here. Sometimes I feel like Substack keeps it too cute.
Omg thank you so much 🥹🫶🏽
Thank you for being you!
So many good points made and you’re right, so much of the dating advice be highkey trash!
Also I need to find out what my love archetype is because reading the details on yours felt very on brand for me
I loved all of this
Years ago, I did a brief stint writing for women’s magazines — as a “guy expert” … my editors wanted me to write advice like this and I was like 🙅🏼♂️🙅🏼♂️🙅🏼♂️
Thanks for not giving up on love, and for speaking about it! We’re in a bad spot right now, so big ups! ✊🏾
so well written!
This title is perfect.. lol 😆 i've been in a steady relationship for the past 13 years.. Unfortunately i have a need to try to help single mom's in my in law family
“If they wanted to they would” is one im so tired of hearing. It just gives entitled and lazy to me. Especially if it’s in the beginning of dating. Communication and intentions/effort are a two way street. No one is out here trying to read your mind!
goated takes
FINALLY SOMEONE REAL. YES. I WANT TO FIND MY WRITING VOICE LIKE THIS. I AGREE W THIS SO BAD, WHEN DID BEING DISTANT BECOME THIS STANDARD FOR BEING WANTED AND LOVABLE???
Thank you
Thanks for writing this. Not a fearful avoidant here but I agree with most of the things you have written. I do not like mind games. I can not curate myself to be something I am not. I have been single for good 4 yrs now. Working on myself, breaking cycles and decided to never to give up on my standards and to always go with my gut instincts. I know exactly what I want and honestly, lot of men available in the dating pool do not meet my requirements and our values do not match. I agree to have an identity outside the relationship is so important and I also have disdain for the sentence "don't date till you are healed".. I mean healing is a journey and this line sounds similar to people who write "no drama" or "positive vibes only" while being the cause of drama. As a person who does want kids, I am looking for a man who can be emotionally present partner and emotionally present parent. Like show me your growth, who you are as a person than your job or your money or your height. I can not do non-chalant men. I like love letters , notes, men who do what they say, being intersectional feminist in genuine ways etc.. The "popular" dating advices and articles I have read made me roll my eyes. It is like they cater to sexism and expect women to tone down a lot. I like how men think that cause I am 37 so I should be desperate for relationship and settling down while it is the opposite. so lot of things you have written here is right.
this is soo true I wish I could scream it from a rooftop somewhere.. it's so insane how people don't even care to know nor love each other anymore
this is such a perfectly written piece on this phenomenon btw
I love this but dating has gotten to a point where everyone wants to keep their options open and avoid pouring into one person and I hate it
You spoke a word with this post and I deeply resonated with everything you said! Thank you for your words 🩵
Thank you girl! I appreciate this😭🤎 def important to maintain your own sense of self!!!