I Hate Y’all Dumb Ass Individualist Ego Driven Patriarchal Detached Coward-Like Dating Takes.

can i be a real bitch?

Hey BOOKIANASSSS (I think ima start calling my subscribers that, y’all let me know in the comments if y’all like that name), we at 500 subscribers!!! Thank you so much🥹🤎 i received my first check from my paid subscriptions and it made me so happy to make money off my creativity! So whether you’re a free subscriber or a paid one, I appreciate you🌹💋

Also, I have an announcement to make… **DRUMS PLEASE!!!!!**

I’m gonna start podcasting again!!!! This time, it’ll be different. I don’t necessarily want it to be super intellectual all the time, because I’m a funny ass bitch whose inappropriate humor seems to turn men completelyyyyy offff and I want to showcase that more. I want to have fun with podcasting. Not that I wasn’t having fun before, it’s just… I have free creative range! This podcast will be a reflection of who I am as a woman now, as well as an intimate approach to podcasting— bringing all my friends and family on to kekeeeee and have inappropriate, but balanced conversations with some wine in the mix. I’m in a new space now financially, emotionally, and mentally and I’m excited to showcase all of that. So, make sure y’all are following lightskamoryaction on Instagram! That page serves as my digital portfolio where I’ll be showcasing EVERYTHING CREATIVE.

Another update: I dyed my hairrrr redddd. Kamory Rose is a pseudonym I’ve been using ever since I started this blog and to make it more clear for those of you who are new, I added the word ‘Amory’ in my name, which means ‘diligent’, ‘brave’, ‘powerful’, ‘love’… all traits reflective of ME. The rose is supposed to symbolize passion, devotion, and dedication to whatever I’m doing in life! The name just made sense. And it also made even more sense to show my dedication by completely devoting my look and aesthetic to my rebrand! A TRUE VISIONARY! Take notes, you dusty whores💋✍🏾

I noticed that plenty of people think my name is pronounced ‘kamari’ but it’s kam•ree, y’all. Yes, like the car. And Terry Roseland if you reading this, you really a fucked up individual for butchering my name on ya podcast (all love I’m joking… go listen to his podcast by the way) 🤣🤣

But anyways, I’ll do a separate piece elaborating on my rebrand and everything else in detail pretty soon, but I just wanted to give y’all an update on thangssss and say thanks! Make sure y’all are following my Spotify playlisttttt bookiesssss 😤🫡💋🌹🍒🤪 okay that’s it that’s all. BYEEEEEE

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I hate social media discourse on dating culture so much. These days it just sounds like everything is about manipulation and presenting facades, which, in my eyes will only result in a man liking the curated version of you that you presented, instead of the real you. there are just plenty of viewpoints and thoughts that i simply can’t get behind. i wrote about how fairytale love still exists in this world (which surprisingly did numbers), challenging today’s current dating takes. But i wanted to write a piece where I reflected on shit I actually hate.

I feel like when you’re an authentic soul through and through, a lot of these takes and advice can feel like an overload for you. Mind games, tricks, strategies, and manipulation… All to get a partner. It’s weird and I’ve never thought that was the key to building the foundation for a potential relationship. A deep, pure love void of ego, isn’t something that requires mind games. It’s just not possible to me. I feel as though love is something that just naturally happens. Love is communication. Love is honesty. Love is authenticity. Love is vulnerability. And even if you’re simply dating someone, I fiercely believe that we still owe each other love in the way that we interact with one another. Obviously, we all have different attachment styles and traumas and standards and preferences, but what I’m getting at is that as humans, love should be the moving force in how we engage with other people we are romantically interested in. Keep in mind, I’m not saying we need to be in love, but rather— keeping love in mind. So many problems would be solved in this world if love were at the center of everything.

So here’s my list of shitty dating takes I don’t subscribe to:

“If you want his attention, you have to be mean/not show interest”

I hate this perspective so much. It’s so unserious. As a woman, I feel like if I have to be rude or nasty or ANY kind of mean towards you, then you’re simply not someone I enjoy. If mutual interest is there, I shouldn’t have to change who I am to be with you. Women should be able to remain kind, gentle, polite, understanding, bubbly, and charming throughout the entirety of dating someone. If you like me mean, you’re more than likely not the one for me and that’s okay. A man should see those traits and appreciate them, rather than trying to find a way to take advantage of you.

And then can we touch on the whole “Don’t show any interest” thing?? That’s so stupid to me! If you’re excited about connection, why can’t you express that? Why can’t you double text or triple text? For me, I do have a fearful avoidant attachment that I’m working to get to a secure attachment, so if I’m actually making time for you, expressing my admiration for you, or sending you corny memes? Nigga, I LIKE YOU! Tf? Why do I have to act like I don’t? Any nigga I do that to, I don’t even like them THAT MUCH. I get the clingy aspect, as I’m not really a fan of texting 24/7– but mutual interest should always be there. Yes, I want to see you. Yes, I miss you. Yes, I enjoyed my time with you. Yes, I wanna talk to you. Do y’all even like one another nowadays?

Like bring back angry love/crush confessions. Bring back intensity. Bring back passion. Bring back standing outside the rain with a boom box confessing your love for someone. Bring back love letters. Bring back unapologetic and unabashed interest. (limits though, babe. once you peep it ain’t reciprocated no more, relax. 😭) everyone just so fucking corny nowadays and detached and i can’t take it.

And yes, I’ma fearful avoidant but I’m not like the dismissive avoidants. I’m an intense, emotional avoidant😭 give me all the feels!

“The man should like/love the woman more than she likes/loves him”

Again, another take I’ve always disagreed with. It just doesn’t make sense in my head. It never will. I don’t care how many times someone explains it. Why is mutual interest and reciprocation such a problem for y’all? And honestly, I pity the men who also feel this way. Why the fuck you wanna be in partnership with someone who doesn’t like you/love you as much as you do them? In what world does that make sense? Why y’all not equally head over heels? Is that not how love works? Why is everything a fucking game when it comes to dating????

“The man is not the prize”

Again, what is y’all issue with equal reciprocation😭 if y’all are both interested in another, then both of y’all are ‘prizes’, no? To be honest, I hate this notion of humans being compared to objects anyway— because we aren’t objects. Being compared to prizes, cars… Like what is actually going on?? I don’t think we are seeing each other as humans anymore. Just objects to win?

If I fancy you, then you’re someone who I view as equally worthy. You’re not a prize. You’re not a trophy. You’re a valuable addition that I intentionally chose to add to my life and my journey. I see you as so fitting and in alignment with my visions and goals and dreams, that I purposely chose you to be here, as you also chose me to be here. That’s how I look at it. Both partners bring their unique qualities to the table, and when we acknowledge each other as equals, the foundation for a meaningful relationship is set. I feel like that sounds more romantic than referring to people as ‘prizes’. Idk.

You mean the world to me, if I choose to add you to my universe. So DON’T piss me off, nigga.

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea”

People who say this go for anybody, I’m convinced. Either that, or they’re just extremely traditional and conservative—making dating easier for them. I’ve written about this a lot, but in my eyes, once you do that soul work on yourself and figure out your identity, your lane, your values, your likes/dislikes, your passions, etc., you will see that EVERYONE is not for you. I don’t care how fine you are. People who haven’t done the work on themselves find it easy to find a new partner the next day, because they don’t have any standards or boundaries. They don’t even know themselves, so they’ll merge with anybody because they don’t have an identity.

There is a specific pool of people made just for me. I remember my therapist telling me this. I remember her telling me that just as ordinary as we all are, we’re also just as extraordinary. Everyone will not appeal to us. So no, there aren’t plenty of fish in the sea for me. I actually just want one specific fish, in reality. 🤣

I want to make a clear distinction though. A lot of people (myself included-I’m a fearful avoidant) have dismissive avoidant/fearful avoidant attachment styles and place these unrealistic, perfect expectations on what they want in a partner as their brain’s way of avoiding intimacy/true connection. When someone doesn’t meet up to those expectations, they immediately cut them off, and then say “they didn’t meet my standards/expectations”, when in reality they are just subconsciously self-sabotaging. I’ve been unpacking this in therapy and learning about different attachment styles, so I want to be clear in saying that sometimes— it’s not that you always have firm boundaries, but you may just be an avoidant who doesn’t find yourself worthy of a pure love.

There is a difference! And I just wanted to highlight that because I do want to share some things I’ve learned through therapy with you all (since I’m aware everyone can’t afford it) in an attempt for everyone to self-reflect 🤎 it’s not always that you have ‘emotional intelligence’, ‘boundaries’, or ‘standards’… You may just be an avoidant. It’s crucial to self-reflect and recognize when you might be operating from a place of avoidance rather than genuine criteria for a partner.

“Nobody owes you anything/an explanation”

And see… This is the problem with society now. We owe each other EVERYTHING. As humans. This entire culture thrives off individualism, detachment, and selfishness. Not only in our interactions with one another, but even in the laws and policies being passed, our systems, our economy, etc. Our world would have so much potential, if we humanized one another, but we don’t. I dislike that. As a fearful avoidant, I do have a tendency to distance myself but I’m also very open in communication as far as where my head is at, and I take pride in my ability to always move with compassion at this point in my life. People used to make me feel bad about it, but this is me—take it or leave it. I choose to hear people out, I choose to exhibit patience, I choose to listen, I choose to extend empathy— not because I don’t have boundaries (it’s only so much a real bitch can take), but because I’m very aware of the complexities of humanity and the impact that certain systems and traumas have on us.

I always have a listening ear and an open mind when it comes to anyone I’m dating. I choose to hear people out and I then make my decision from there, as avoidant as I am. I listen and I’ve always been honest with niggas when I’m no longer interested. Which is why I often feel like an outcast. To me, it is basic human decency to tell someone you are no longer interested rather than being passive, playing mind games, or breadcrumbing. All of these behaviors are abusive and are also an indication of poor emotional intelligence, communication skills, and conflict resolution skills. We need to get it together y’all! As a collective.

“Women shouldn’t shoot their shot at men”

Baby, one thing about me ima shooter! And I’m not even being a cocky heaux (lmaooo i just lied so bad) when I say I ain’t miss yet. Every man I’ve wanted in this lifetime, I’ve always gotten them in some capacity. I don’t mind DM’ing a man I’m interested in. I don’t mind flirting with someone at the bar. I don’t think that takes away from my femininity whatsoever. I see. I like. I went for it.

An ex friend once told me, ‘Oh, I don’t need to do that.’ To which I replied, “Bitch, who told you I NEEDED to do that?”. The nigga was gonna come to me regardless, I just wanted to expedite process, bitch. Please stop playing with me.

“Don’t date until you’re healed”

Okay so what even is this? I’m not saying to date immediately after a breakup nor am I encouraging people to date when they’re not in the space for it.

However, you never fully heal from trauma, past experiences, etc. You just find better and healthier ways to cope with your pain. I find it so fascinating when I hear people bragging about being healed and mastering ‘emotional intelligence’ and ‘boundaries’ and ‘conflict resolution’ after being in isolation for fifteen hundred years from others. Like GWORLLLL, how you even know?

That true test doesn’t come until you are in relation with others. Sometimes, dating and relationships can wake up issues that you didn’t even know you had! It can serve as a mirror to all of your flaws, insecurities, and behaviors. Which is why I say dating can also be very reflective and can mold you into being a better person— even if you and that person don’t work out. I feel like these days nobody wants to be honest in admitting they don’t know it all. everyone just wants to be seen as so perfect, a “high value man/woman”, or whatever other nonsense y’all push when in reality, learning and mastering emotional intelligence and communication is no easy feat. it takes a lot of unlearning. unlearning unhealthy childhood patterns/childhood trauma. unlearning what has been pushed on social media. unlearning generational thought processes. mastering that shit is a lifelong process. everyone wants to be a damn expert at dating when it’s literally not possible. pushing perfectionism in dating is sooooo fucking lame to me.

By no means, am I encouraging toxic behavior. Not at all. But everyone ain’t perfect, my nigga. Not even you! There is no such thing as being fully healed. And to be honest, we push that notion of being fully healed before dating as a way to avoid acknowledging that you’re just scared of love. y’all ain’t slick.

“If You’re Not Getting Posted, They Don’t Like You” “If They Don’t Wanna Talk/See You Every Day, They Don’t Like You”

At one point I agreed with this until I grew and shifted perspectives. I don’t feel like it’s necessary to post my partner all the time. I’m not saying I’m opposed to it. But I get very uncomfortable doing that as like… an everyday thing. My page will not turn into a couples content page. I am an individual and I’m not the type of girl who makes her relationship her entire personality. I’m very ambitious, super driven, self sufficient, and I value autonomy and independence in relationships. So naturally, I don’t feel like I need to post my partner in every dump, every story post, or mention them every damn time I speak. I tend to be a little more private as far as my romantic relationships. The posts would be very sporadic. But it doesn’t mean I don’t like/love you. I just don’t see you as my entire identity. You’re a planet in my universe.

I’m heavy on my solitude because I cannot be the best bitch to you if I’m laid up under you 24/7. I fall under The Energetic Lover Archetype. I love to work on my creative projects, write, invest in my self care days, and just be in my own little world. It should be encouraged for the other person to do the same. And then when we meet up, it’s like we’re inseparable because we gave each other time to miss one another. We lived, and now we have more shit to talk about. I do fine going days without seeing a nigga. Daily check ins are a must though!

I feel like our society has just normalized attachment culture so much to the point where people cannot fathom the idea of couples not living together, couples having separate rooms, couples not seeing each other everyday, etc. Relationships are not the pinnacle of life—and just because you’re in one doesn’t mean you abandon YOU.

So, these were the major dating takes that I hate. But that’s just me! Y’all know I’m a unconventional, nonconforming, philosophical, anti patriarchy ass bitch, so you know… I might be a little out of my mind! Let me know what y’all think in the comments. Share some takes that you personally hate!