All you need to know about Black women, and I say this as an African who has experienced it at home and in the diaspora, is how they speak about young Black girls. Little children. Our first bullies and our consistent bullies will always be other Black women. And it starts so, so early.
Love this piece! The question that arrives in my head is, are these women really settling if they are just attracting who they are? Settling assumes that one person is above the other in some way. But if you are choosing to be with someone who is misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, etc. doesn’t that also make you misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic? If your partner is a reflection of you, are your beliefs really that different?
I believe it can be a mix of both. Some women genuinely are that way but I’ve also met some fierce, badass women who have settled for men whose politics go against everything they stand for because they’re scared of being lonely and believe they can “change them”. I’ve seen it. So, i think both ideas can coexist.
Patriarchy survives because of women. And patriarchy is rooted in shame. It’s not just about the men women date or stay with, etc. Patriarchy lives in every choice we make — even when people shout “feminism.”
We have not fully embraced our Lilith energy (mainly because of survival). But when we do — one by one, collectively — this shit will change.
I’m of two minds about this. i feel like on the one hand i agree in terms of the idea that the existence of a social construct demands belief in the construct. but simply choosing not to believe isn’t that easy - it kills women. However i also think the refusal to unlearn or even acknowledge internalised misogyny or just conform to patriarchal ideas does allow the patriarchy to be maintained but I think your phrasing places too much responsibility on the oppressed group
I hear you, truly. And yeah, I can see how the way I said it might feel a bit daunting . You’re totally right—it does take women out. That’s why it’s hard, and honestly, it’s not supposed to be easy.
But if we shift how we look at it—less like another thing we have to “fix” or be responsible for, and more like reclaiming our power—it changes. The whole system starts to lose its grip when we let go of the small, everyday things that were born out of shame.
The truth is, most people don’t even want to talk about gender-based violence, let alone start healing from it.
But this is collective shadow work. And the only way to break the cycle is to be brave enough to face it—together. The way out is within, no one is coming to save us. 💛
That must be the starting point—no matter how loud, how messy, how long overdue. To be human is to hurt. To have lived, especially as a Black person in a world built against your flourishing, is to carry weight. I don’t question the validity of that pain. In fact, I share it. Many of us do. And like you, I’ve been hurt—by people who looked like me, and people who didn’t. I’ve known betrayal, abuse, abandonment. I know what it feels like to scream into the void and wonder if anyone hears you.
But healing—real healing—requires that we name our pain precisely, and not project it indiscriminately. It means telling the truth about the structures that hurt us without turning on those beside us in the struggle.
That’s why I have to speak directly to the way your piece frames Black men.
Because while your pain is real, the generalizations you use to express it are not just inaccurate—they are toxic, both to yourself and to the very people you're asking to do better. The picture painted in your piece—of Black men as a monolithic group of abusers, apologists, and enablers—hurts all of us. Not just those of us who work daily to be better men, but also the women and children who live in the same communities and must now navigate even deeper divides.
What’s most striking is how little acknowledgment there is of the actual source of the power structures you’re critiquing. The billionaires you name—Diddy, Shannon Sharpe—are not “typical” Black men. They are statistical anomalies, living lives shaped by proximity to white patriarchal power, not Black communal values. The violence, exploitation, and misogyny they may perpetuate are reflections of that system—one they’ve adopted, not one we built.
The average Black man has no stake in white patriarchy. In fact, he is one of its victims.
We didn’t design the architecture of abuse. We were born under its roof. And while some Black men, especially those with fame or wealth, have internalized the power structures of white supremacy and reproduced its harms—that is not license to indict the rest of us who are trying to survive, trying to love, trying to heal.
Feminism, at its most liberatory, calls us to resist all forms of domination—including racism. But when feminism is weaponized to vilify Black men as a whole, it ceases to be liberatory. It becomes a tool of white supremacy. That’s not hyperbole—it’s historical fact.
We’ve seen this before.
From the false rape accusations that sparked lynchings in the Jim Crow South to the erasure of Black men in media as either brutes or buffoons, the dehumanization of Black masculinity has always served a purpose: to divide us. To make us mistrust one another. To fracture our communities from the inside. And when Black writers, especially women who identify as feminists, echo those same tropes in their critique, they don’t challenge the system—they reinforce it.
This doesn’t mean you don’t get to talk about your pain.
It means if you want to heal, truly heal, then it has to be rooted in honesty—not just personal truth, but historical and structural truth. That means naming the violence of white patriarchy, not projecting it onto brothers in your community who are struggling just like you are. That means calling out men who do harm, yes, by name—but not painting all of us with a brush dipped in your most painful memories.
We need space to mourn. To process. To rage. But we also need space to connect. Because we are not each other’s enemy. And the revolution we need cannot be built with suspicion and shame as its foundation.
Maybe you should actually look at who your real enemies are because right now you sound like you should be wearing a Klan hood. D.W Griffith would be proud of your piece here.
I would like to state the fact that not only are you dismissing her experience and BW experience as a whole. You're trying to defend BM under the guise that it's not the same due to money... When you know damn well you heard the same things come out of the mouths of men in barber shops, your family, friends and much more.
Us women have this view because we were raised around BM who never had respect for us, our mothers or women of our family. Some of us come from backgrounds of abuse just as much as BM do. So, us calling it out is not dragging black men it is stating a fact. You forget that we experience BM in a different way.
And I also want to state this is typical response were used to hearing because as soon as any BW calls out abuse... Here come the BM ready to defend their entire community as a whole. When ya'll continue to not hold your family members, friends or even yourselves accountable in your behaviors.
This is our time to talk and speak about our experiences. This is not the time for you or any other BM to come into this conversation trying to pivot everyone's focus to the victimhood of BM. Sit down, be quiet and listen. You might learn something.
It seems like you're hurting, and you're trying to make sense of that hurt by generalizing. I understand that—I do it too. But what I said wasn't a threat to your justice. It was a call for nuance, the kind many of you refuse to allow.
You want affirmation, and this collective space gives you that. I respect the need for healing, but I caution you: don't let that become a crutch. Don't become so comfortable in your pain that you lose the ability to recognize truth, or worse—become a force that prevents others from healing just because it doesn't match your narrative.
Let me ask you something honestly:
Why is it that we rarely—if ever—see Black men writing entire essays on how much we hate Black women?
Why is it always us backing off? Why do we let you speak, uninterrupted, while we get labeled abusers for even suggesting complexity?
We aren't your enemies. We're not your fathers or your exes. We're not the men who hurt you.
We're the ones getting crushed right next to you by the same white supremacy you're projecting onto us.
You don’t want liberation—you want proximity to whiteness, and you’re disguising that desire beneath a cloak of selective oppression.
I write pieces about feminism because I read too many pieces from women who say all men—especially Black men—are inherently evil.
And what am I supposed to do? Sit quietly while you use the same tactics of dehumanization every racist system before you has used against us?
No—I’m not laying down while you continue that legacy.
You don’t get to call that “healing.” That’s not healing. That’s ideological vengeance.
I want to be kind. I truly do. But kindness isn’t always silence—and I won’t be silent while disingenuous voices drown out truth with ego and resentment.
Black men writing essays about hating black women wouldn’t surprise anyone. Because what could yall say we haven’t heard before.
Also this article isn’t about us “hating black men” this specific article is about Black Women doing fake activism and being performative when they know if it really came down to it. They are willing to abandon their principles to be with a man who doesn’t align with them.
You’re so focused on the “hatred of black men” in this article that the entire subject flew over your head. You’re so focused on White Supremacy that you aren’t asking why Black Women do this? And what drives their motivations?
YOU ARE SO FOCUSED on making sure that we don’t label black men as villains, you are choosing bypass the entire subject of this article.
You completely dismissed the authors feelings about feeling betrayed by some of the women she looked up to due to these high profiled cases of abuse.
Because this article IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND ITS NOT ABOUT BLACK MEN. ITS ABOUT BLACK WOMEN NOT STANDING FOR SHIT.
And I swear to god if you say some shit like “idk why BW cant just write a piece that doesn’t say bad things about BM or put us in a bad light when it’s referring to certain social issues”. I’m going to lose my shit.
You keep insisting this article isn’t about Black men, yet the examples, the framing, and the implied betrayal all revolve around us.
If you truly wanted to explore why some Black women abandon their principles, you could do so without dragging others into it. But as usual, you want to externalize that failure—and Black men are your scapegoat of choice.
I didn’t dismiss anyone’s feelings. I challenged the narrative. If feelings are above critique, then you’re not seeking truth—you’re seeking submission.
And I don’t submit to ideologies that mimic the very supremacy we claim to resist.
You're "not all men'ing" which is literally mimicking the supremacy you are claiming to resist.
When someone says "not all men", or "not all white people", or "not all straight people", or "[not all of an oppressive group here]", they are undermining every single person within that group who doesn't embody whatever you are responding to. If YOU (or any other person) is not like the group being referenced, then YOU are not being referenced, even if you share a commonality with that group.
The original post was talking about specific women, not men, and referenced men because they also exist in the paradigm of heterosexual relationships, but it was talking about women. It wasn't even talking about all women, it was talking about the specific women the author said she was talking about. The choices made by women who claim a certain world view/moral code, and then ignore that world view/moral code when they choose who they are going to date AND when they stand up for people who do things which violate that world view/moral code. It's also not a "feminist" thing to do, that just happens to be the subject the author is addressing. It happens within anti-racist spaces, anti-homophobic spaces, and every other so-called righteous stance that people take.
If a white person says, "I'm not racist, and I think racism is disgusting, and I will publicly speak against racism," and then that same exact person dates/marries/defends a outright racist... Their claim of "anti-racism" is not merely in question, it is clearly a lie. Another person speaking on their disappoinment in that self proclaimed anti-racist, is not, in fact, a demonization of white people, but a disappointment in the section of white people that is performatively anti-racist, but not anti-racist in action or in their personal life. They want people to think they are anti-racist, which isn't the same.
Kamory is describing the exact same thing about a group of women who claim feminism, and then go on to defend/date/marry men who act in contradiction to what those women claim they stand for. If YOU are not one of those men who acts in contradiction to the moral stance of feminism, then this article wasn't about you, nor was it about anyone else who doesn't act in contradiction to the moral stance of feminism. Again, it clearly needs to be said, that the article wasn't even about men, it merely referenced men and made a couple of digs at the men who do fit within this category.
You, however, needed to get on your high and mighty and defend people who weren't being attacked in the first place while writing a dissertation on the things wrong with black women. Which is... A choice, to be sure. Nobody needs to clarify "some men" because the men who are not a part of the group being discussed, are not being discussed. If you felt attacked, then you prolly need to sit with that and ask yourself why you feel attacked by someone talking about people who do things that you don't do. Mansplaining feminism, by the way, is also a weird choice.
I don't want another dissertation from you, you spewed enough garbage in your other responses to last me a lifetime. Just sit your ass down and listen, which, ironically, if you had done that when you first read the article, and then done it again when someone was responding to you, none of this nonsense would have even happened. I know, if you do actually read this comment, you won't be reading it to understand, you will be reading it to respond and make some argument against random sentences that you didn't like the wording of. I can already see your game, so please, find someone else to run that game on. If you don't actually care to understand and potentially rethink your stance, then I don't actually care to have a conversation with you because (Spoiler Alert) not everything is about you, or men.
Sir! I literally said if you said some shit about “”idk why black women can’t just write a piece that doesn’t say bad things about black men or put us in a bad light over social issues”. That I was going to lose my shit.
She is talking about certain Black women who date certain type of black men. If that ain’t you! SHUT UP! She ain’t talking about all of you.
This is not about White supremacy no matter how much you want it to be. White supremacy or not! Racism is not an excuse for abusive behaviors and it not an excuse for you to use as basis of defending black men.
This is about the fact that Kamory Rose wrote a public piece that weaponized trauma and disguised it as feminist critique — and now you have the audacity to claim it "wasn't about Black men."
It was always about Black men.
She said it herself: “I expected Black men to defend abusive behavior. That’s a given. That’s what y’all niggas do.”
That’s not a critique. That’s not healing. That’s bigotry dressed in liberation language. That’s using a handful of highly publicized cases to vilify an entire demographic. That’s plain prejudice.
There was no "some." No qualifiers. Just Black men. And now anyone who responds to that is accused of derailing?
I responded because I was named. Period. To pretend otherwise is dishonest.
In this piece, Black men are framed as:
Defenders of abusers
Victim blamers
Inherently misogynistic
Homophobic and transphobic by default
Then comes the part where the Black women who date Black men are shamed too—for not aligning themselves with the author's personal purity test. As if healing means gatekeeping love.
That’s not liberation. That’s narcissistic control disguised as feminist frustration.
She writes:
"Where we settle is in dating men and partnering with them just because they look good, fuck good, and treat us nicely. But for me? A man treating me nicely and being attractive will never be enough."
That’s a personal standard—fine. But what she does next is crucify anyone who doesn’t share it. She elevates herself by condemning everyone else.
She isn’t holding people accountable. She’s weaponizing disappointment.
And it doesn’t stop at men. She lashes out at women too, calling them fake feminists for daring to make choices that don’t mirror her outrage.
The irony? Many of the men she targets—the ones she's decided are inherently broken—were raised by women just like her.
You want to talk about cycles? Let’s talk about who raised who.
What we’re witnessing is a tantrum disguised as a manifesto. Pain turned into propaganda. One person’s bitterness projected onto an entire community.
But here’s the thing:
When we’re named, we respond.
When we’re attacked, we push back.
And when we’re falsely blamed, we speak up.
No one gets to demonize Black men and then pretend we’re out of line for defending ourselves.
If you don’t want the smoke, don’t light the match.
You don’t get to call us villains and then play victim when we step into the story you wrote us into.
Yeah, it's just pretty weird how we take a consistent beating from our own people, and they know just as well as we do that we have things stacked against us. That article that I wrote should further explain this type of phenomena. And it's very consistent—the social beating that we take that is—from the black women under the guise of feminism. When really, they're just angry at the white man that they can't be the white man, which is rather absurd. It really is a power thing, right? It's all rooted in a desire to have power for it, and you could trace that back to being powerless. But the way it may choose to obtain that power is beyond disingenuous, if not outright evil.
And if it wasn't for you know, optics, numbers and perception, more people would have their eyes open to this. It's not to say a portion of folks don't understand what's going on.Black and white, and anyone else. I had a buddy of mine from Australia, and he used to always talk to me about why black people don't seem to get along in America, and he always noticed that it would be black women talking the same type of crap about black men and then he told me he noticed something a lot of black men tend to go to Australia. I've met one and he loves it there. It says the racism in america's not worth it.
Our political views couldn't be any more different between me and my Australian friend, and that's kind of what I like about the camaraderie, between guys. It shouldn't matter what race you are. It shouldn't even matter your political differences. The ability to come together because of your differences. This is something that I noticed, it's very inherent to men.
I'm the most pro black person that I know I got a lot of white friends. I came up with an army, a lot of white people. So different from me. And we loved each other same with my black brothers, same with my Asian brothers, etc. The military just shows you something 'when you're Getting fucked together you're getting fucked together.'
And I want to make a distinguishment between your typical female that sits on substack, writing these stupid articles, and let's say a female working as a cop or female working as a soldier serving the country. These are two different types of women. One is a woman who throws away what little freedom she has in this patriarchal world. I could agree with that. To serve in a patriarchal system. So they could, have a better pathway through life? And then the bullshit that these women have to go through, but they're strong enough to make it out, dude. A lot of them are some of the strongest women I've ever. I have a great deal of respect for military women.
I have no respect for women, like the one who wrote this article.
And when it comes to military justice, more attention should be given to women who serve, because there's a lot of atrocious things that happen to females in the army that gets covered up, and the more attention should be given to those cases. They're real victims out there, but they just don't get the attention because bad actors like to cross cry about a bookie man and it wants nothing to do with them. It makes it hard for the real victims to get any help. Some of them really do think it's okay to carry on being a victim, and you watch a very strong person go through life, broken fragmented, quite possibly, not even a shell of themselves anymore .Sorry to go off on a tangent. Here I just want to make it clear that I do respect women.
Just not the ones that agree with this article.
The people who looked out for me the most in the Army were black women. The only reason I get the care that I get from this country. It's because of black women that's the only reason I'm not even on the street. It's because of black women in the military. Because a dumb women like this root, write stupid articles like the one we just got through reading. There was a black mom somewhere in an office thinking about her black son or her black grandson and how this world was made to crush him. She thought about that and then she thought about me and she saved my life.
Somewhere, I know for a fact that when I was going through some of the roughest times of my life in the Army. There was a black woman. Watching me in solidarity. In kentucky they always made sure I walked with my head held up high.
The lady who wrote this article ain't a real black woman.If you ask me. She doesn't know what solidarity is. She doesn't have shit worth fighting for outside of greed and ego. If she did, she wouldn't be writing such a disgusting article.
Preaching to the choir on this one! This generation of men are weak and fall for the Wonder Bread’s illusions each and every time! May all of The True Dark Feminines rise!!
This is exactly how I am feeling. Even though I'm in the lesbian community and it can be even worse on this side of the fence. But I even saw women who are pro sexual freedom and body positivity to come out and slut shame Cassie. I WAS FLOORED to see that and after I spoke my piece of mind, I unfollowed those bitches. For them to speak about how women should be liberated in their sexuality and sexual exploration while also trying to drag Cassie through the mud was horrible.
I think as a black community we have so much work to do, and it literally starts with Black Women who allow this behavior to continue. We have to stop acting like abuse is normal passage in womanhood.
All you need to know about Black women, and I say this as an African who has experienced it at home and in the diaspora, is how they speak about young Black girls. Little children. Our first bullies and our consistent bullies will always be other Black women. And it starts so, so early.
Right in our homes and communities.
Truer words were never spoken.
Love this piece! The question that arrives in my head is, are these women really settling if they are just attracting who they are? Settling assumes that one person is above the other in some way. But if you are choosing to be with someone who is misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic, etc. doesn’t that also make you misogynistic, homophobic, transphobic? If your partner is a reflection of you, are your beliefs really that different?
I believe it can be a mix of both. Some women genuinely are that way but I’ve also met some fierce, badass women who have settled for men whose politics go against everything they stand for because they’re scared of being lonely and believe they can “change them”. I’ve seen it. So, i think both ideas can coexist.
Oooh — that! “Attracting who they are.” Powerful stuff!
Patriarchy survives because of women. And patriarchy is rooted in shame. It’s not just about the men women date or stay with, etc. Patriarchy lives in every choice we make — even when people shout “feminism.”
We have not fully embraced our Lilith energy (mainly because of survival). But when we do — one by one, collectively — this shit will change.
I’m of two minds about this. i feel like on the one hand i agree in terms of the idea that the existence of a social construct demands belief in the construct. but simply choosing not to believe isn’t that easy - it kills women. However i also think the refusal to unlearn or even acknowledge internalised misogyny or just conform to patriarchal ideas does allow the patriarchy to be maintained but I think your phrasing places too much responsibility on the oppressed group
I hear you, truly. And yeah, I can see how the way I said it might feel a bit daunting . You’re totally right—it does take women out. That’s why it’s hard, and honestly, it’s not supposed to be easy.
But if we shift how we look at it—less like another thing we have to “fix” or be responsible for, and more like reclaiming our power—it changes. The whole system starts to lose its grip when we let go of the small, everyday things that were born out of shame.
The truth is, most people don’t even want to talk about gender-based violence, let alone start healing from it.
But this is collective shadow work. And the only way to break the cycle is to be brave enough to face it—together. The way out is within, no one is coming to save us. 💛
to keep this simple: you absolutely devoured this and left no crumbs. NEEDED read because people needed to be READ. 💯
this sounds like me on the phone with my cousin talking about this topic yesterday 😭😭 excellent write up.
Emphasize, underline, bold every damn line.
Baby you came for necks today!! I agree with everything. If you don’t align, you ain’t mine😘
Came out swinging with the boxing gloves 🧤
I'm not a feminist but I have stood against abuse that black men have perpetuated.
Everyone deserves the space to speak their pain.
That must be the starting point—no matter how loud, how messy, how long overdue. To be human is to hurt. To have lived, especially as a Black person in a world built against your flourishing, is to carry weight. I don’t question the validity of that pain. In fact, I share it. Many of us do. And like you, I’ve been hurt—by people who looked like me, and people who didn’t. I’ve known betrayal, abuse, abandonment. I know what it feels like to scream into the void and wonder if anyone hears you.
But healing—real healing—requires that we name our pain precisely, and not project it indiscriminately. It means telling the truth about the structures that hurt us without turning on those beside us in the struggle.
That’s why I have to speak directly to the way your piece frames Black men.
Because while your pain is real, the generalizations you use to express it are not just inaccurate—they are toxic, both to yourself and to the very people you're asking to do better. The picture painted in your piece—of Black men as a monolithic group of abusers, apologists, and enablers—hurts all of us. Not just those of us who work daily to be better men, but also the women and children who live in the same communities and must now navigate even deeper divides.
What’s most striking is how little acknowledgment there is of the actual source of the power structures you’re critiquing. The billionaires you name—Diddy, Shannon Sharpe—are not “typical” Black men. They are statistical anomalies, living lives shaped by proximity to white patriarchal power, not Black communal values. The violence, exploitation, and misogyny they may perpetuate are reflections of that system—one they’ve adopted, not one we built.
The average Black man has no stake in white patriarchy. In fact, he is one of its victims.
We didn’t design the architecture of abuse. We were born under its roof. And while some Black men, especially those with fame or wealth, have internalized the power structures of white supremacy and reproduced its harms—that is not license to indict the rest of us who are trying to survive, trying to love, trying to heal.
Feminism, at its most liberatory, calls us to resist all forms of domination—including racism. But when feminism is weaponized to vilify Black men as a whole, it ceases to be liberatory. It becomes a tool of white supremacy. That’s not hyperbole—it’s historical fact.
We’ve seen this before.
From the false rape accusations that sparked lynchings in the Jim Crow South to the erasure of Black men in media as either brutes or buffoons, the dehumanization of Black masculinity has always served a purpose: to divide us. To make us mistrust one another. To fracture our communities from the inside. And when Black writers, especially women who identify as feminists, echo those same tropes in their critique, they don’t challenge the system—they reinforce it.
This doesn’t mean you don’t get to talk about your pain.
It means if you want to heal, truly heal, then it has to be rooted in honesty—not just personal truth, but historical and structural truth. That means naming the violence of white patriarchy, not projecting it onto brothers in your community who are struggling just like you are. That means calling out men who do harm, yes, by name—but not painting all of us with a brush dipped in your most painful memories.
We need space to mourn. To process. To rage. But we also need space to connect. Because we are not each other’s enemy. And the revolution we need cannot be built with suspicion and shame as its foundation.
Maybe you should actually look at who your real enemies are because right now you sound like you should be wearing a Klan hood. D.W Griffith would be proud of your piece here.
I would like to state the fact that not only are you dismissing her experience and BW experience as a whole. You're trying to defend BM under the guise that it's not the same due to money... When you know damn well you heard the same things come out of the mouths of men in barber shops, your family, friends and much more.
Us women have this view because we were raised around BM who never had respect for us, our mothers or women of our family. Some of us come from backgrounds of abuse just as much as BM do. So, us calling it out is not dragging black men it is stating a fact. You forget that we experience BM in a different way.
And I also want to state this is typical response were used to hearing because as soon as any BW calls out abuse... Here come the BM ready to defend their entire community as a whole. When ya'll continue to not hold your family members, friends or even yourselves accountable in your behaviors.
This is our time to talk and speak about our experiences. This is not the time for you or any other BM to come into this conversation trying to pivot everyone's focus to the victimhood of BM. Sit down, be quiet and listen. You might learn something.
It seems like you're hurting, and you're trying to make sense of that hurt by generalizing. I understand that—I do it too. But what I said wasn't a threat to your justice. It was a call for nuance, the kind many of you refuse to allow.
You want affirmation, and this collective space gives you that. I respect the need for healing, but I caution you: don't let that become a crutch. Don't become so comfortable in your pain that you lose the ability to recognize truth, or worse—become a force that prevents others from healing just because it doesn't match your narrative.
Let me ask you something honestly:
Why is it that we rarely—if ever—see Black men writing entire essays on how much we hate Black women?
Why is it always us backing off? Why do we let you speak, uninterrupted, while we get labeled abusers for even suggesting complexity?
We aren't your enemies. We're not your fathers or your exes. We're not the men who hurt you.
We're the ones getting crushed right next to you by the same white supremacy you're projecting onto us.
You don’t want liberation—you want proximity to whiteness, and you’re disguising that desire beneath a cloak of selective oppression.
I write pieces about feminism because I read too many pieces from women who say all men—especially Black men—are inherently evil.
And what am I supposed to do? Sit quietly while you use the same tactics of dehumanization every racist system before you has used against us?
No—I’m not laying down while you continue that legacy.
You don’t get to call that “healing.” That’s not healing. That’s ideological vengeance.
I want to be kind. I truly do. But kindness isn’t always silence—and I won’t be silent while disingenuous voices drown out truth with ego and resentment.
It’s not about me and my life at all.
Black men writing essays about hating black women wouldn’t surprise anyone. Because what could yall say we haven’t heard before.
Also this article isn’t about us “hating black men” this specific article is about Black Women doing fake activism and being performative when they know if it really came down to it. They are willing to abandon their principles to be with a man who doesn’t align with them.
You’re so focused on the “hatred of black men” in this article that the entire subject flew over your head. You’re so focused on White Supremacy that you aren’t asking why Black Women do this? And what drives their motivations?
YOU ARE SO FOCUSED on making sure that we don’t label black men as villains, you are choosing bypass the entire subject of this article.
You completely dismissed the authors feelings about feeling betrayed by some of the women she looked up to due to these high profiled cases of abuse.
Because this article IS NOT ABOUT YOU AND ITS NOT ABOUT BLACK MEN. ITS ABOUT BLACK WOMEN NOT STANDING FOR SHIT.
And I swear to god if you say some shit like “idk why BW cant just write a piece that doesn’t say bad things about BM or put us in a bad light when it’s referring to certain social issues”. I’m going to lose my shit.
You keep insisting this article isn’t about Black men, yet the examples, the framing, and the implied betrayal all revolve around us.
If you truly wanted to explore why some Black women abandon their principles, you could do so without dragging others into it. But as usual, you want to externalize that failure—and Black men are your scapegoat of choice.
I didn’t dismiss anyone’s feelings. I challenged the narrative. If feelings are above critique, then you’re not seeking truth—you’re seeking submission.
And I don’t submit to ideologies that mimic the very supremacy we claim to resist.
You're "not all men'ing" which is literally mimicking the supremacy you are claiming to resist.
When someone says "not all men", or "not all white people", or "not all straight people", or "[not all of an oppressive group here]", they are undermining every single person within that group who doesn't embody whatever you are responding to. If YOU (or any other person) is not like the group being referenced, then YOU are not being referenced, even if you share a commonality with that group.
The original post was talking about specific women, not men, and referenced men because they also exist in the paradigm of heterosexual relationships, but it was talking about women. It wasn't even talking about all women, it was talking about the specific women the author said she was talking about. The choices made by women who claim a certain world view/moral code, and then ignore that world view/moral code when they choose who they are going to date AND when they stand up for people who do things which violate that world view/moral code. It's also not a "feminist" thing to do, that just happens to be the subject the author is addressing. It happens within anti-racist spaces, anti-homophobic spaces, and every other so-called righteous stance that people take.
If a white person says, "I'm not racist, and I think racism is disgusting, and I will publicly speak against racism," and then that same exact person dates/marries/defends a outright racist... Their claim of "anti-racism" is not merely in question, it is clearly a lie. Another person speaking on their disappoinment in that self proclaimed anti-racist, is not, in fact, a demonization of white people, but a disappointment in the section of white people that is performatively anti-racist, but not anti-racist in action or in their personal life. They want people to think they are anti-racist, which isn't the same.
Kamory is describing the exact same thing about a group of women who claim feminism, and then go on to defend/date/marry men who act in contradiction to what those women claim they stand for. If YOU are not one of those men who acts in contradiction to the moral stance of feminism, then this article wasn't about you, nor was it about anyone else who doesn't act in contradiction to the moral stance of feminism. Again, it clearly needs to be said, that the article wasn't even about men, it merely referenced men and made a couple of digs at the men who do fit within this category.
You, however, needed to get on your high and mighty and defend people who weren't being attacked in the first place while writing a dissertation on the things wrong with black women. Which is... A choice, to be sure. Nobody needs to clarify "some men" because the men who are not a part of the group being discussed, are not being discussed. If you felt attacked, then you prolly need to sit with that and ask yourself why you feel attacked by someone talking about people who do things that you don't do. Mansplaining feminism, by the way, is also a weird choice.
I don't want another dissertation from you, you spewed enough garbage in your other responses to last me a lifetime. Just sit your ass down and listen, which, ironically, if you had done that when you first read the article, and then done it again when someone was responding to you, none of this nonsense would have even happened. I know, if you do actually read this comment, you won't be reading it to understand, you will be reading it to respond and make some argument against random sentences that you didn't like the wording of. I can already see your game, so please, find someone else to run that game on. If you don't actually care to understand and potentially rethink your stance, then I don't actually care to have a conversation with you because (Spoiler Alert) not everything is about you, or men.
Sir! I literally said if you said some shit about “”idk why black women can’t just write a piece that doesn’t say bad things about black men or put us in a bad light over social issues”. That I was going to lose my shit.
She is talking about certain Black women who date certain type of black men. If that ain’t you! SHUT UP! She ain’t talking about all of you.
This is not about White supremacy no matter how much you want it to be. White supremacy or not! Racism is not an excuse for abusive behaviors and it not an excuse for you to use as basis of defending black men.
This is about the fact that Kamory Rose wrote a public piece that weaponized trauma and disguised it as feminist critique — and now you have the audacity to claim it "wasn't about Black men."
It was always about Black men.
She said it herself: “I expected Black men to defend abusive behavior. That’s a given. That’s what y’all niggas do.”
That’s not a critique. That’s not healing. That’s bigotry dressed in liberation language. That’s using a handful of highly publicized cases to vilify an entire demographic. That’s plain prejudice.
There was no "some." No qualifiers. Just Black men. And now anyone who responds to that is accused of derailing?
I responded because I was named. Period. To pretend otherwise is dishonest.
In this piece, Black men are framed as:
Defenders of abusers
Victim blamers
Inherently misogynistic
Homophobic and transphobic by default
Then comes the part where the Black women who date Black men are shamed too—for not aligning themselves with the author's personal purity test. As if healing means gatekeeping love.
That’s not liberation. That’s narcissistic control disguised as feminist frustration.
She writes:
"Where we settle is in dating men and partnering with them just because they look good, fuck good, and treat us nicely. But for me? A man treating me nicely and being attractive will never be enough."
That’s a personal standard—fine. But what she does next is crucify anyone who doesn’t share it. She elevates herself by condemning everyone else.
She isn’t holding people accountable. She’s weaponizing disappointment.
And it doesn’t stop at men. She lashes out at women too, calling them fake feminists for daring to make choices that don’t mirror her outrage.
The irony? Many of the men she targets—the ones she's decided are inherently broken—were raised by women just like her.
You want to talk about cycles? Let’s talk about who raised who.
What we’re witnessing is a tantrum disguised as a manifesto. Pain turned into propaganda. One person’s bitterness projected onto an entire community.
But here’s the thing:
When we’re named, we respond.
When we’re attacked, we push back.
And when we’re falsely blamed, we speak up.
No one gets to demonize Black men and then pretend we’re out of line for defending ourselves.
If you don’t want the smoke, don’t light the match.
You don’t get to call us villains and then play victim when we step into the story you wrote us into.
YOU SAID IT ALL!
https://open.substack.com/pub/smithjonathan212/p/the-silent-weapon?r=54rj2k&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web&showWelcomeOnShare=false
Yeah, it's just pretty weird how we take a consistent beating from our own people, and they know just as well as we do that we have things stacked against us. That article that I wrote should further explain this type of phenomena. And it's very consistent—the social beating that we take that is—from the black women under the guise of feminism. When really, they're just angry at the white man that they can't be the white man, which is rather absurd. It really is a power thing, right? It's all rooted in a desire to have power for it, and you could trace that back to being powerless. But the way it may choose to obtain that power is beyond disingenuous, if not outright evil.
And if it wasn't for you know, optics, numbers and perception, more people would have their eyes open to this. It's not to say a portion of folks don't understand what's going on.Black and white, and anyone else. I had a buddy of mine from Australia, and he used to always talk to me about why black people don't seem to get along in America, and he always noticed that it would be black women talking the same type of crap about black men and then he told me he noticed something a lot of black men tend to go to Australia. I've met one and he loves it there. It says the racism in america's not worth it.
Our political views couldn't be any more different between me and my Australian friend, and that's kind of what I like about the camaraderie, between guys. It shouldn't matter what race you are. It shouldn't even matter your political differences. The ability to come together because of your differences. This is something that I noticed, it's very inherent to men.
I'm the most pro black person that I know I got a lot of white friends. I came up with an army, a lot of white people. So different from me. And we loved each other same with my black brothers, same with my Asian brothers, etc. The military just shows you something 'when you're Getting fucked together you're getting fucked together.'
And I want to make a distinguishment between your typical female that sits on substack, writing these stupid articles, and let's say a female working as a cop or female working as a soldier serving the country. These are two different types of women. One is a woman who throws away what little freedom she has in this patriarchal world. I could agree with that. To serve in a patriarchal system. So they could, have a better pathway through life? And then the bullshit that these women have to go through, but they're strong enough to make it out, dude. A lot of them are some of the strongest women I've ever. I have a great deal of respect for military women.
I have no respect for women, like the one who wrote this article.
And when it comes to military justice, more attention should be given to women who serve, because there's a lot of atrocious things that happen to females in the army that gets covered up, and the more attention should be given to those cases. They're real victims out there, but they just don't get the attention because bad actors like to cross cry about a bookie man and it wants nothing to do with them. It makes it hard for the real victims to get any help. Some of them really do think it's okay to carry on being a victim, and you watch a very strong person go through life, broken fragmented, quite possibly, not even a shell of themselves anymore .Sorry to go off on a tangent. Here I just want to make it clear that I do respect women.
Just not the ones that agree with this article.
The people who looked out for me the most in the Army were black women. The only reason I get the care that I get from this country. It's because of black women that's the only reason I'm not even on the street. It's because of black women in the military. Because a dumb women like this root, write stupid articles like the one we just got through reading. There was a black mom somewhere in an office thinking about her black son or her black grandson and how this world was made to crush him. She thought about that and then she thought about me and she saved my life.
Somewhere, I know for a fact that when I was going through some of the roughest times of my life in the Army. There was a black woman. Watching me in solidarity. In kentucky they always made sure I walked with my head held up high.
The lady who wrote this article ain't a real black woman.If you ask me. She doesn't know what solidarity is. She doesn't have shit worth fighting for outside of greed and ego. If she did, she wouldn't be writing such a disgusting article.
Couldn't have said it better!😮💨🙌‼️
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Preaching to the choir on this one! This generation of men are weak and fall for the Wonder Bread’s illusions each and every time! May all of The True Dark Feminines rise!!
You left no crumbs. Great post!
Straight facts, kamory!
This is exactly how I am feeling. Even though I'm in the lesbian community and it can be even worse on this side of the fence. But I even saw women who are pro sexual freedom and body positivity to come out and slut shame Cassie. I WAS FLOORED to see that and after I spoke my piece of mind, I unfollowed those bitches. For them to speak about how women should be liberated in their sexuality and sexual exploration while also trying to drag Cassie through the mud was horrible.
I think as a black community we have so much work to do, and it literally starts with Black Women who allow this behavior to continue. We have to stop acting like abuse is normal passage in womanhood.