this was really honest and refreshing to read. thank you for your vulnerability. 🫶
"Culture says you shouldn’t date anyone if you’re not fully healed. You apparently shouldn’t date anyone if you’re dealing with occasional bouts of depression. This never made sense to me. Why are we allowed to have friends and community if we’re down and out, but not romance? What does that say about this culture? And why do we have to be void of emotional issues and trauma before deciding to date?"
i've been mad asf about this too and have MAJOR beef with the rupaul quote “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” why are there PREREQUISITES for love? i know some people are abusive emotional vampires, bad faith actors who would ignore that kind of advice anyway but are we really supposed to believe that only perfect untraumatized totally resolved people get to love and be loved? whatever happened to healing?
And forget romantic love, do we not show up for our friends and family, parents for their children, REGARDLESS of how we feel about ourselves? why would our bouts of self hatred or depression make our love somehow less legitimate? it's not true. i refuse to believe it
thank you for being so open. it was a pleasure to read thisxx
i feel u on the boundless emotional suppression bullshit we get fed about dating. unfortunately, i almost feel like its inevitable to feed into it (even just a little bit) to protect your heart. when ur heart is pure & ur love infinite, just know that you are carrying something so sacred and special that 9x/10 it might take u longer to find someone worthy of holding it. keep going, keep loving. embrace the pain of vulnerability and use it as your armor against this disconnected, apathetic world. there is nothing wrong w u. we were born to love. there is something wrong with the people who fail to see that <3
the way you’ve described these feelings is so raw and overwhelming. i feel the surge of your truths at the tails of my feet up into my throat. you’re intentional, honest— you’re fucking deep with it lol! as a queer blk person this hit me like a face full of a thousand baseball bats haha.
the intensity we want to show one another, to shed the skins of ourselves so we can piece each other back: that is a love we all deserve. EVERYBODY, you me her him them all of us!!!! i too want to experience something so soul defying and beautiful. i wanna be the jewel in someone’s eyes. i wanna be loved through mania and impulsive decisions. i wanna be loved through winter and spring and summer and fall again and again and spend my days gaining weight from the joy i have #LOVE FOREVERRRR
You are not alone. I was just crying about this, this morning. It’s hard to want something so badly and it be so unattainable for you. Others seem to find it all the time and easily, but you (me), not so much. As a newly retired/former “desperate girl”, I will say what has been a very helpful insight for me was realizing that most of the nighas aren’t even deserving of the women that they have. They are solely benefiting off our desperation for them. It’s unfair really. They get to be shitty and still have companionship. Keep speaking your truth. The girls that get it, get it!
sometimes i'm scared to open your articles because of how deep they cut me, sometimes i'm afraid of what they'll make me confront in myself. this was no exception.
no matter how far i reach in my self-growth journey, i still feel like i'm suppressing my true desires, like i'm just distracting myself from what i truly want as i wait and you've expressed these in a way i never could.
something that gives me comfort is believing that there are no soulmates or no twin flames, the men i meet and connect with will only satisfy a small part of my vast emotional being. there is no one full true love that exists for me. only small fragments that will paint a beautiful picture at the end of it all. i don't expect to find a life long partner, but i do expect to find multiple varied-length partners all of whom satisfy different parts of my desire for romantic love.
(not sure if this is true or not but it helps me sleep at njght 😭)
I feel like telling yourself that soulmates don’t exist is denying that true love exists. honestly I used to think the same and that everyone else was just lying . But I have seen that despite being very rare, true love does exist. I haven’t experienced it yet but it is out there. Even swans mate for life 🦢 if swans are capable of such a deep bond then so are humans
Is it possible "man will only satisfy a small part of my emotional being" is a self fulfilling prophecy?
Do you satisfy everything a man needs, wants and desires?
Or do men that you are dating also have to accept that you can't satisfy it all?
What you accept, believe and surrender to is your personal reality SO your belief, that no man can meet all, looks for fulfilment and reinforcement in the types of men you align with.
Well more than a man, I think you need to speak better about yourself, give yourself more grace and have the enough self respect to not tolerate being used and such. Words and affirmations are powerful. I did relate to some parts but this is very Szaesque lol :)
Wanting to love and be loved is so normal. Everyone’s journey is different but here’s what I’ve gathered from my life… there is no one that has loved me or is down for me like my bestie (she has healed parts of me that I didn’t even realize were broken)…because of her love, I was able to see myself more clearly and realized that I don’t need to settle for anything less than being treated with utmost care… I took this mindset into dating and while I did encounter many men who did NOT fit the bill, the right one came along eventually. The right man is out there but you have to be patient with the timing and with yourself.
And it’s okay to feel like you’re going to explode sometimes, it means the fire within you burns bright 💕
It is not bad, it is completely understandable, you are a woman and love is life. I will say though it comes a certain type of lifestyle to 'get'what you want. You need to start standing on business with the men that give you breadcrumbs and even worse, that use you or lie to you. It is simple, don't play mind games but at the same time do not go against your intuition, if he's bad news, let him go. Take ownership, love and alchemize your flaws, this is a beautiful piece, I highly resonate with it. Be okay with being a little rigid and not quite fitting in your world, you'll find love, I gaurantee it.
Wanting to love and be loved properly is normal and I think beautiful because so many people now a days just date or sleep with people to say they've done it not to say and show that they're madly in love with someone and someone is madly in love with them. I have discovered that the right person does come when you least expect it or when you're just about to give up with love, me and my bf found each other at a time when we were both ready to give up and now we've been together for months and already openly say that we never want to leave each other and that we want to be together until the end. Yes you do get really shit relationships that make you feel like love isn't true or worth it but it really is in the end, you just have to wait which is the hard part about it.
Damn, girl! I feel you. Completely. Damn! You are well on your way to an awakening, that I can say. This is it, believe me. I was here a couple of years ago. I was right in this place too and I got hopeless. It was at that point that love, well, found me. It found me when I had given up completely and lost all hope. I was down bad. And this piece reminds me of that time of my life too. I want to commend you for being brave enough to share this. This raw vulnerability is rare these days but it's also brave and courageous. It signals strength beyond what you can possibly imagine. I think you are an HSP (a highly sensitive person). I am too. It's a term for people who experience the world a bit differently. You are not damaged or inferior; you are simply unique. HSPs are also what some refer to as empathy: we are the 'feelers' in the world and our emotions are often experienced deeply. I wish you all the strength, love, peace and healing for the love you desire. The love you desire is out there, trust me. And it's close. It is coming.
Loved the honesty and vulnerability. What’s coming is better than what’s been. Rooting for you, sister. As someone who’s loved this way by my wife, reading your words made me appreciate it her and the love we share even more. Thank you for showing up as you do.
I definitely hear your heart and have lived through similar feelings. I will say please don't believe something is wrong with you. Perfection is not required for love. If anything, all the love stories that I've heard lets me know that highly imperfect people find love. Love is not merely a desire, it is a need. People move through the world differently when they are loved and that includes when they are loved romantically. There is no shame whatsoever in wanting to love and be loved. That truth settled my heart and it stopped me from picking myself apart.
This was beautifully raw.. and I respect the courage and authenticity it took to share it. Very inspiring. I pray you find the love you’re seeking. A love that with fill you deep!
Wow I dig reading this. I find it interesting you point out why needing to heal before getting in a relationship. I'm a guy but I can relate to some degree. Interesting read though
this was really honest and refreshing to read. thank you for your vulnerability. 🫶
"Culture says you shouldn’t date anyone if you’re not fully healed. You apparently shouldn’t date anyone if you’re dealing with occasional bouts of depression. This never made sense to me. Why are we allowed to have friends and community if we’re down and out, but not romance? What does that say about this culture? And why do we have to be void of emotional issues and trauma before deciding to date?"
i've been mad asf about this too and have MAJOR beef with the rupaul quote “If you don't love yourself, how in the hell you gonna love somebody else?” why are there PREREQUISITES for love? i know some people are abusive emotional vampires, bad faith actors who would ignore that kind of advice anyway but are we really supposed to believe that only perfect untraumatized totally resolved people get to love and be loved? whatever happened to healing?
And forget romantic love, do we not show up for our friends and family, parents for their children, REGARDLESS of how we feel about ourselves? why would our bouts of self hatred or depression make our love somehow less legitimate? it's not true. i refuse to believe it
thank you for being so open. it was a pleasure to read thisxx
i feel u on the boundless emotional suppression bullshit we get fed about dating. unfortunately, i almost feel like its inevitable to feed into it (even just a little bit) to protect your heart. when ur heart is pure & ur love infinite, just know that you are carrying something so sacred and special that 9x/10 it might take u longer to find someone worthy of holding it. keep going, keep loving. embrace the pain of vulnerability and use it as your armor against this disconnected, apathetic world. there is nothing wrong w u. we were born to love. there is something wrong with the people who fail to see that <3
the way you’ve described these feelings is so raw and overwhelming. i feel the surge of your truths at the tails of my feet up into my throat. you’re intentional, honest— you’re fucking deep with it lol! as a queer blk person this hit me like a face full of a thousand baseball bats haha.
the intensity we want to show one another, to shed the skins of ourselves so we can piece each other back: that is a love we all deserve. EVERYBODY, you me her him them all of us!!!! i too want to experience something so soul defying and beautiful. i wanna be the jewel in someone’s eyes. i wanna be loved through mania and impulsive decisions. i wanna be loved through winter and spring and summer and fall again and again and spend my days gaining weight from the joy i have #LOVE FOREVERRRR
Wow thank you 🥹
💙
You are not alone. I was just crying about this, this morning. It’s hard to want something so badly and it be so unattainable for you. Others seem to find it all the time and easily, but you (me), not so much. As a newly retired/former “desperate girl”, I will say what has been a very helpful insight for me was realizing that most of the nighas aren’t even deserving of the women that they have. They are solely benefiting off our desperation for them. It’s unfair really. They get to be shitty and still have companionship. Keep speaking your truth. The girls that get it, get it!
absolutely loved/hated reading,
sometimes i'm scared to open your articles because of how deep they cut me, sometimes i'm afraid of what they'll make me confront in myself. this was no exception.
no matter how far i reach in my self-growth journey, i still feel like i'm suppressing my true desires, like i'm just distracting myself from what i truly want as i wait and you've expressed these in a way i never could.
something that gives me comfort is believing that there are no soulmates or no twin flames, the men i meet and connect with will only satisfy a small part of my vast emotional being. there is no one full true love that exists for me. only small fragments that will paint a beautiful picture at the end of it all. i don't expect to find a life long partner, but i do expect to find multiple varied-length partners all of whom satisfy different parts of my desire for romantic love.
(not sure if this is true or not but it helps me sleep at njght 😭)
I feel like telling yourself that soulmates don’t exist is denying that true love exists. honestly I used to think the same and that everyone else was just lying . But I have seen that despite being very rare, true love does exist. I haven’t experienced it yet but it is out there. Even swans mate for life 🦢 if swans are capable of such a deep bond then so are humans
Is it possible "man will only satisfy a small part of my emotional being" is a self fulfilling prophecy?
Do you satisfy everything a man needs, wants and desires?
Or do men that you are dating also have to accept that you can't satisfy it all?
What you accept, believe and surrender to is your personal reality SO your belief, that no man can meet all, looks for fulfilment and reinforcement in the types of men you align with.
Well more than a man, I think you need to speak better about yourself, give yourself more grace and have the enough self respect to not tolerate being used and such. Words and affirmations are powerful. I did relate to some parts but this is very Szaesque lol :)
Thank you 🥹🥹🤎
Wanting to love and be loved is so normal. Everyone’s journey is different but here’s what I’ve gathered from my life… there is no one that has loved me or is down for me like my bestie (she has healed parts of me that I didn’t even realize were broken)…because of her love, I was able to see myself more clearly and realized that I don’t need to settle for anything less than being treated with utmost care… I took this mindset into dating and while I did encounter many men who did NOT fit the bill, the right one came along eventually. The right man is out there but you have to be patient with the timing and with yourself.
And it’s okay to feel like you’re going to explode sometimes, it means the fire within you burns bright 💕
Girl make some noise wtf? I loved this so much and really resonate
It is not bad, it is completely understandable, you are a woman and love is life. I will say though it comes a certain type of lifestyle to 'get'what you want. You need to start standing on business with the men that give you breadcrumbs and even worse, that use you or lie to you. It is simple, don't play mind games but at the same time do not go against your intuition, if he's bad news, let him go. Take ownership, love and alchemize your flaws, this is a beautiful piece, I highly resonate with it. Be okay with being a little rigid and not quite fitting in your world, you'll find love, I gaurantee it.
Wanting to love and be loved properly is normal and I think beautiful because so many people now a days just date or sleep with people to say they've done it not to say and show that they're madly in love with someone and someone is madly in love with them. I have discovered that the right person does come when you least expect it or when you're just about to give up with love, me and my bf found each other at a time when we were both ready to give up and now we've been together for months and already openly say that we never want to leave each other and that we want to be together until the end. Yes you do get really shit relationships that make you feel like love isn't true or worth it but it really is in the end, you just have to wait which is the hard part about it.
Damn, girl! I feel you. Completely. Damn! You are well on your way to an awakening, that I can say. This is it, believe me. I was here a couple of years ago. I was right in this place too and I got hopeless. It was at that point that love, well, found me. It found me when I had given up completely and lost all hope. I was down bad. And this piece reminds me of that time of my life too. I want to commend you for being brave enough to share this. This raw vulnerability is rare these days but it's also brave and courageous. It signals strength beyond what you can possibly imagine. I think you are an HSP (a highly sensitive person). I am too. It's a term for people who experience the world a bit differently. You are not damaged or inferior; you are simply unique. HSPs are also what some refer to as empathy: we are the 'feelers' in the world and our emotions are often experienced deeply. I wish you all the strength, love, peace and healing for the love you desire. The love you desire is out there, trust me. And it's close. It is coming.
Omg i am a HSP🥹 but thank you for this— this comment actually came just in time 🤎🤎
Loved the honesty and vulnerability. What’s coming is better than what’s been. Rooting for you, sister. As someone who’s loved this way by my wife, reading your words made me appreciate it her and the love we share even more. Thank you for showing up as you do.
I'd love for you to read two of my pieces Love: Life's Ultimate Balancer https://harmoniousbalance.substack.com/p/love-lifes-ultimate-balancer and Worthy Yet Not Chosen https://harmoniousbalance.substack.com/p/worthy-yet-not-chosen-7-truths-you
I definitely hear your heart and have lived through similar feelings. I will say please don't believe something is wrong with you. Perfection is not required for love. If anything, all the love stories that I've heard lets me know that highly imperfect people find love. Love is not merely a desire, it is a need. People move through the world differently when they are loved and that includes when they are loved romantically. There is no shame whatsoever in wanting to love and be loved. That truth settled my heart and it stopped me from picking myself apart.
This was beautifully raw.. and I respect the courage and authenticity it took to share it. Very inspiring. I pray you find the love you’re seeking. A love that with fill you deep!
A very thoughtful and provoking read!
I'm a man who is mid 40s and not married. I've only had two long term relationships and many short lived romances.
When you are a below average man, in appearance, career and income, then you are invisible to women.
Wow I dig reading this. I find it interesting you point out why needing to heal before getting in a relationship. I'm a guy but I can relate to some degree. Interesting read though