On Being A Slow Burn Creative/Woman.

props to my 10th House Venus and Taurus Sun. ♉

First of all, I want to say thank you for all the love everyone has shown me on here. I appreciate each DM and each comment and each restack. It kinda shocks me that I do so well on platforms where thoughts and words are appreciated. I shouldn't, but it does. First Threads, now Substack? I gained 115 followers these last couple days, and that makes me happy. Kinda feel like I do have a purpose here. Well, I already knew that but this just continues to reaffirm me.

I frequently experience imposter syndrome, because to this day I am still unsure what it is about my thoughts that resonate with so many people? Why do I thrive on these platforms? I mean, I know I am very honest and intelligent, but subconsciously I underestimate my brilliance. I want to get out of that. I’m really that girl, and I’m really that phenomenal. The signs are all there. I’m not talking outta my ass, ya know? Thank you guys so much! I even gained some paid subscribers who now have access to my exclusive content! Thank you thank you thank youuuu. Volume 1. of ‘The Pleasure Chronicles’ is my most popular piece on my blog, and I love that for me. I can’t wait to give y’all the next installment. So once again, thank you lovas! 🍒

Also, I’ve curated a playlist for you guys to follow if you have Spotify. All of these songs serve as the soundtrack to my current reality, as well as songs that have just been on repeat for me. You can also follow me on Instagram @kamoryrose

Now, without further ado… let’s get into the REAL SHIT! Real GROWN WOMAN SHIT! REAL FRONTAL LOBE DEVELOPMENT SHIT!

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I don’t want to move fast, actually. With anything. I’ve always preferred things to move really slow and strategically. And I guess I can say that growing up in a generation where rapid consumption, quick fame, and instant gratification are the norm, it is easy to fall victim to this mentality that you may be behind your peers because of your refusal to move without thinking shit through.

For me, my priority as an artist transcends fame or notoriety. Popularity? I can’t say that is what drives me. I am driven by these 5 values:

authenticity, legacy, community, culture, and intentionality.

Recently, after a therapy session, it dawned on me that when I started my podcast, Heauxsome Black Girl, the direction was all over the place. The process of self-discovery was JUST beginning. I was unsure what direction I wanted to go. Now, it’s very clear to me. As an artist, I aim to spark conversations that force people to reflect on social constructs that have long been indoctrinated into our culture and our heads. People need to read or see my work, feeling an urge to challenge themselves. I have this desire to make the marginalized Black women feel seen.

Fame isn’t my priority whatsoever. Being popular also doesn’t move me. But rather, impact. Like anyone else, I fall victim to my own negative thoughts. Sometimes, there is this intense, aching anxiety that takes over my entire body, causing to me fear not measuring up to my dream reality. Almost immediately, though, I shift gears and it becomes clear that this fast-paced, instantaneous culture is quite literally the only reason my mind even entertains something so silly and ridiculous.

Everything is so fast with people nowadays. Looking back at my life journey, I see that I’ve always preferred to move slow. I take my time with EVERYTHING, and usually it always comes around full circle, making sense in the end. Any time I’ve rushed anything, I regretted it. Last year, I rushed so much shit for the sake of my brand. Being a podcaster, there’s this rule that everything needs to be quickly executed and put out— putting me in an unfamiliar territory. Popular podcasters told us we needed to post daily to maintain audience interest, have these instant connections with people, and associate with everyone in our industry. I succumbed to plenty of those rules though and I always felt uncomfortable in doing that. My struggles stemmed from a lack of confidence in my personal creative process. Instead of embracing my individuality, I often found myself in groups, subconsciously seeking approval and validation.

My birth chart reflects this tendency: with my south node in Aquarius, I was captivated by the allure of collective experiences, social groups, and organizations. However, each time I tried to fit into those molds or follow the ‘rules', I felt like an alien— frequently being marginalized or outcast because I refused to conform to the rigid standards and ideologies that were set by others.

Now, as I enter what is my north node phase in Leo, a sense of clarity has begun to forge my path. The realization that I don’t need to adhere to social norms or group dynamics has been liberating. Embracing my individuality and pursuing my creative endeavors on my own terms is the only priority right now. Endlessly pouring into my creativity solo has been so life changing for me. Even while I was in a duo, I became aware that I possessed this newfound dedication, discipline, and consistency towards my solo endeavors, that I lacked towards Heauxsome. Guilt hovered over me like a dark cloud. In my head, there was no way I could be outgrowing the podcasting industry, or a brand that forced me to see myself in my entirety. But like a dead relationship, I just didn’t care anymore. One conversation expedited the process of me choosing to end it. Admittedly, the conclusion of that passion project felt like a dead weight lifted off my shoulders. Spirit told me that it was time to hone my creativity and master my craft by myself and for myself. I am a light and I will no longer deny this to make anyone more comfortable in their identity. That was a constant theme in my childhood and now it feels liberating to utilize my unique vision and talents to create a platform that is meaningful to me.

I am a Taurus. They say we typically have a slow burn success story, putting in work for YEARS before reaching the idealized image in our heads. Think of Meek Mill— who was trapping and freestyling on the corner— consistently putting his talent out there. We have Victoria Monet (we have the same birthday, hehe) who was writing Billboard hits for others while juggling her own musical pursuits for about a decade before becoming a Grammy award winning artist. Janet Jackson— whose first two albums were considered ‘flops’ until she created her own lane with her Control album. Master P, who sold albums and No Limit merch in his city for years before No Limit Records gained international success. All of these Tauruses devoted years to their craft, laying the groundwork for the success, achievements, and accomplishments they now have. We’re stubborn with our vision, not diverting our eyes on our path for temporary fame or clout. Everything I do has to make sense as far as what I want to build with my creativity. My vision is my vision, and I refuse to accept any and every offer, opportunity, or collaboration requests if it is not in alignment with the empire I envision. Time will inevitably be wasted if I just hop on any bandwagon with hopes of being “seen.” As creatives, many of us fall into this flawed mindset where we figure we have to accept propositions from larger platforms, artists, and creators in hopes of ‘exposure.’ And I get it— a lot of us are hungry for those opportunities. Hungry to get out of our current realities. Hungry for our art to be seen. However, we must not allow our hunger to override our abilities to think logically and strategically. Does this person even have values that align with yours? Are their audiences even your target audience? How will this make you look? I started thinking about this frequently, not only when it comes to opportunities surrounding my creativity, but also in every other area of my life. You won’t hear me saying ‘yes’ to everybody and everything. Some may call me a bitch, some may call it stubborn— I call it intentionality. I call it alignment. I call it self-love.

On Threads, I posted about the importance of a slow burn approach to things. Passion projects, love, friendships, success. It is OKAY to have slow burn success story and if you’re reading this— I want you to know that. When your vision is larger than life, you don’t need to rush it because great things take time. Great projects take time. Great relationships take time. Great success takes time. Recently, I’ve been trying to merge together ideas for my next venture and throughout the process I’ve frequently had to stop myself from rushing what I aim to do. There are little voices in the back of my head STILL: “if you don’t post something, these people will forget about you”, “You need to hurry up and do this shoot or you’ll lose audience interest”, “Hurry up and come up with a rollout idea.” I succumbed to these thoughts often in the past, producing shit that I was never proud of because I rushed it. Honestly, I had to take a step back and think. Ponder. Wonder. I thought, Kam, if people genuinely fuck with you and what you do, they are still going to be there. If not, they were never meant for you anyway. They’re making room for a new audience. Do you really even desire an audience that loses interest because you’re not creating fast enough? No. You actually dislike those types of people… so why are you letting people who do not matter infiltrate your creative process? Do you hear yourself, bitch? I had to be real. I had to think about all of the greats I admire. Beyonce, in particular. She lives life and creates. She releases when she’s ready to. It doesn’t matter if it takes months or years. REAL fans and REAL supporters will always be there.

I knew all of these things about myself a year ago, but I was a people pleaser. And I wasn’t as confident in myself as I am now. Actually, scratch that. I was confident. I just wasn’t CLEAR. Now, I am.

I think about my future a lot. Sometimes zoning out at work, jotting down ideas as soon as I get them on a sticky note. Passion is what drives me. I am passionate about the things I am doing and the things I am writing. I am passionate about my future and passionate about the life I want to build. My image has to transcend popularity. I often think of legacy, status, and communal influence. A neighborhood hero. Not because of the props and not because of the popularity it would bring me, but rather because I want to serve the community that has molded me into the woman I am today. My volunteer work as a teen at Lutheran Settlement House molded me. Made me realize I want to work with people in some capacity. Made me realize I want to make a change in this world. My experience at Bebashi, a non-profit organization that promotes sexual health and offers free to low cost services to those with HIV/AIDS made me realize that Philly does have a heart. My childhood in West Philadelphia naturally fostered a love for art and creativity, with murals taking center stage everywhere. Reading Terminal always represented community to me— a merge of restaurant owners from different backgrounds, cultures, and ethnicities cooking up food with love, serving the city of Philadelphia. Love Park takes me back to my childhood, where me and my sister would take the train, staying all day just to have an escape from our usual view. I love my city because it has equipped me with the knowledge and the wisdom I carry with me.

Growing up here, I see that Philly is sometimes criminally underrated when it comes to creativity. Obviously, we're known for our murals, Gamble & Huff, our contributions to R&B, and our food. But there is another vein of creativity that people sleep on: the way we talk, our lingo, our dialect, the way we move, the way we express ourselves. THAT is underrated. THAT is a form of creativity as well. We frequently have our slang copied by surrounding cities and we also possess some of the funniest people in the world— our moments gaining traction on TikTok and social media platforms alike. A lot of us are wickedly creative, yet lacking the resources to really tap into that— forcing us into a life of crime and violence. Arts funding? What the hell is that in Philadelphia? So many here have potential but are stifled by the harsh realities of life here. I have to be the change I want to see in the city. There is an entire genre of Black women here who are just like me: yappers, unconventional, imaginative, challenging, neurospicy, daydreamers, intellects… mini philosophers. I have to rep for them. I have to. There is this familiarity I have with constantly being misunderstood. A familiarity with constantly being dismissed because of how I present— the long nails, large bamboo earrings, and flamboyant outfits producing a dismissive reaction from others when I speak my mind. People immediately jumping to this assumption that I know nothing because of my heavy Philly accent, my background, and my story. The goal is to represent for the Philly women who are just like me, fostering a sense of belonging when they see me while also being able to provide them with resources they need to let their creativity thrive. This isn’t solely exclusive to the women either, I want better from our Black men. I want to challenge them, I want to humanize them, I want them to see themselves outside of their current circumstances when they read anything I write, or come across anything I create. I want people to believe in themselves and to go for everything people said they couldn’t get at.

Excerpt from Beyonce’s Interview with GQ Magazine

My mind never shuts off and these are central themes I constantly think about. They never leave my mind. With everything I do, I am asking myself ‘How will this shift the culture?’, ‘How will this serve my community?’. Intentionality. Everything will not be for me. My process cannot be rushed. My future child has to look at everything I put out into the universe, with this understanding that individuality will take them far. They need to understand the importance of community and impact. They need to understand the important of baring your soul and sharing your thoughts— no matter how crazy they may sound. I want to raise a warrior. I want to raise a child who knows it is okay to ask me questions, to challenge me, to NOT agree with me. I am working so hard on creating things that allow that open space for my child who isn’t even here yet.

Creatives tend to be all over the place, because they’re unsure of why they are creating. They don’t have a direction. And that’s fine— I feel as though you can create at any stage of your life and still impact culture at large. However, there is this freeing feeling that takes over your body when you finally find your why. The dots start connecting, building an excitement that is hard to describe. In my opinion, you’ll begin creating your best work when you have a clear cut direction. And don’t get me wrong. That direction can shift and that direction can go in many different directions. That is okay too. But the direction is there, nonetheless.

When it comes to my current passion projects? I am extremely hardworking, detail oriented, and assertive. My friends have called me a ‘workaholic’— bringing my MacBook with me to kickbacks and parties. I get off work and immediately start working on concepts, writing, annotating, creating moodboards and cutting looks and images from magazines. Time just flies by when you’re having fun, not sleeping sometimes until 2AM. I dedicate my weekdays to my creativity and my 9-5s, using weekends as days to wind down and relax and read my comics and paint and watch my comfort shows. Finding balance can be challenging, but necessary in order to show up as my best creative self. But I will not stop, until I get exactly what the fuck I want. The success, the accomplishments, the opportunities, the partner, the dream crib. All of it. And in this stage of my life, I’m going to ensure that these bitches FEEL ME.

When it comes to friendships and relationships, it is crucial that I am around others who have something they are passionate about. You don’t have to even be a creative, but there has to be something there that moves you and ignites a fire in you. You could be passionate about a certain topic, a time period, an endangered animal species, a cause, a music genre… shit, ANYTHING. But I will not be in the presence of someone who lacks that, because I will spend forever and a day trying to translate my language to people who are stuck on their native tongue. That lack of passion will give them this refusal to understand or explore another language— my language to be exact. Friendships or relationships where we do not share the same core values, morals, and beliefs are not the type of interactions I need. This doesn’t mean I require a friend or partner who is a carbon copy of me, but rather somewhat adjacent. This is also why I’ve been taking the time in getting to know people. My slow creative process and journey emulate my approach to people as well. It just has to make sense for where I am going if I choose to befriend you, date you, or collaborate with you.

The friendships I have need to be full of people who are change makers, innovators, disruptors. People who are compassionate, kind, progressive, and critical thinkers. The partner who I wind up being with has to elevate my public image, rather than tarnish it. He has to care about culture as much as I do. My circle overall has to be community driven, seeking impact, and contributing to a safer, progressive world. We can laugh and joke and be crazy and chaotic all day— that’s something I’ve always encouraged, as everything doesn’t have to intellectualized in this life. I love to shake ass, drink, and engage in unhinged behavior at the same damn time. However, I need equally passionate individuals around me because they’ll get me. That is what I will surround myself with. Your surroundings can make or break you, and so that is why I am slow in building connections with people. I am guarded and rightfully so. People feel this entitlement in creating instant connections with people, jumping into shit without testing the waters and paying attention to people. I can’t do that. I’ve always been super friendly and sociable at events, being sure not to come across as someone who is unapproachable. Many believe that just because they hold these perspectives as far as creating friendships/relationships, that they have to be a bitch or super mean and stoic. I can be bubbly and charming while simultaneously understanding that everyone cannot experience my energy. Maybe this is a symptom of trauma? I can’t be quite sure— but that is my process. And whoever is meant to be here will respect that. I’ve never been into forcing shit, and I am a firm believer that what is for you will naturally fall in your hand. I will take my time in getting to know people.

As an Earth sign and a 10H Venus, my essence is centered around stability and building. It’s why I am very uncomfortable when I feel unstable. I enjoy the process of creating art and projects that are meaningful from the ground up. Fast-paced relationships and life choices do not appeal to me anymore; I am more aligned with progress that is slow, steady, and intentional. This is the stage of life I find myself in now—a deliberate choice to embrace my natural rhythm. Though I battle with my negative self talk, urging me to speed up, I will not do it. I have a solid confidence that everything that is meant for me will arrive in a bow-tied gift box when I am ready for it: creative ideas, professional growth, love, more friendships, and growth. I hope that if you’re reading this, you can eventually get to this realization as well. Take your time, creative. Don’t rush that project. Don’t rush that relationship. Don’t rush that friendship. Don’t rush that idea. Don’t rush your timing— trust it. You’re doing fine.

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#YAP SESHHHH 🍒🌹🤎:

Let’s chat in the comments!

1. What is your creative process?

2. How do you feel about a slow burn approach to life?

3. What’s the direction you’re aiming to go for with your art? Did you find your ‘why’ yet?

4. What are some things you realized about yourself at 25? Or currently?

5. Do you often feel pressured to rush creative projects?