Are You Truly Present?

notes on being present and engaging.

Present. What does this mean? It’s never been a thought that I’ve ever even imagined to entertain, because it never really came to mind. It wasn’t something that I thought to incorporate in my day to day life until I turned 25 and realized this was something I struggled with.

Now see, I thought being present was really just about being there. Physically being present. My body showing up. But upon further introspection, I see that being present is about immersing yourself in that moment. Listening, not just hearing. Engaging, not just being. Feeling energy around you and being in tune with your environment. Focused and at times, losing yourself in the experience of being around community, or even being by yourself. Are you asking questions? Are you thinking outside of yourself? Are you showing that you actually care about what is going on in this moment? Or are you on your phone while someone is talking to you? Are you in your head while conversation is being had? Are you disassociating?

Being someone with diagnosed ADHD, being present is hard. While it comes with special gifts, I also have to remind myself that it is a disability. So, I extend myself grace. However, I am not a fan of using it as a crutch to make excuses for myself or my behavior. I explain the disability to people I come across, so that they understand what is going on— but I also let people know that it is okay to hold me accountable and bring issues I’m not even aware of to the forefront. The disclosure of the disability is just so you can understand me better, instead of automatically jumping to conclusions. That’s it. I am still a human on this realm and I want to be called out and made aware of things I do not see. Especially as a writer, a creative, and someone who prides themselves on soul evolvement and personal development. I’ve always held this belief that if you care about your growth as an individual, you must befriend people who are assertive, direct, and blunt. All that enabling and passive aggressiveness ain’t for me, personally. I want to better myself and I want to show up in the best way I can for the tribe I’m building.

Saying all this to say, that right when I turned 25, I was made aware that I struggle with being present. Well, what do they mean?, I thought. I’m here. But it’s more than that. It’s about making someone else feel present. It’s about blocking out all outside noise and building that intimacy with another person. Friend or lover.

Now, I know I talk about attachment styles a lot on this blog. Mostly because I’ve realized how much identifying that can help you in establishing relationships and building community. I’m a fearful avoidant. I crave connection and love and romance but I get super scared once I do get it. In my childhood, being present wasn’t a thing. Actually, scratch that. It was a thing that was required when we would do Bible study or when my mom made dinner and they would share their fun stories from their childhood and shit. But as I got older and I began coming into myself: building my own personal philosophies, coming into my style, forming my own opinions, and questioning the values/religion I was raised on— I was shut off. It became hard for me to be present with those in my household, because they didn’t care about anything that interest me. So, I’d be in my room and shit, just self-soothing and intellectualizing every damn thing. I was learning to prioritize self, and I began to become so isolated from others that I had no idea how to navigate outside interactions and hold conversations that did not center myself. I would always be on my phone as people were talking to me. I would be in and out of conversations. I’d half hear what people were telling me.

This stage of my life: I’m learning to be more present. But how do you learn to do that? I’m always focusing on the future. I’m always trying to be in control of things. I’m never comfortable just BEING, and that is why I realized my nervous system was dysregulated. I had to stop taking in so much intellectual information and being in the house. In this piece, I wanted to give y’all some meaning behind what it means to be present. What it means to build community and prioritize connection, even with a stranger you run into on your day to day. Being present is how we learn to be more connected to our bodies, our human experiences, and others. It’s how we build a meaningful life. It is how we romanticize our life, even if it isn’t the greatest.

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1. Interact In Your Day-To-Day.

Right now, it’s 1:06PM and I’ve managed to travel to my favorite Black-owned bookstore, Uncle Bobbie’s. I come here every weekend, but I realize I’ve never really gotten to know the people that are here. I order my regular— The Peppermint Mocha Latte and a Chocolate Chip Cookie. Waiting for my latte to be ready, I realize I’ve never acquaintanced myself with any of the workers here. What the fuck?

I make my way over to the front cashier and finally introduce myself.

“Do you like working here?”

Her face lights up. “Oh, I loooove working here. It’s definitely a vibe.”

“Yeah, I come here every week. I love being here too so I can imagine. I be feeling so calm and relaxed,”, I reply. “What’s your name?”

“______”, she says.

“My name is Kamri! It’s nice to meet you. I come in here all the time, but I’ve never said hi to you. I just wanted to acquaint myself. I’m trying to learn to be more social and shit.”

“I completely get it. I’m trying to be in that space too, so you’re not alone.”

After that, I ask if they’re hiring (because I’ve ALWAYS wanted to work in a bookstore— especially a Black-owned bookstore. Whaattt?), we have a short conversation, I grab my Latte and head to the back.

This small interaction is the meaning of being present. Small doses of connection with strangers that remind you how much of a human you are. I greet people as I’m walking, I say thank you to those who hold the door open for me, I smile at strangers as they pass me by. Being present doesn’t equate to doing these grand tasks, but rather seeking the little stuff and feeling energized throughout your day because of it.

2. Immersing Yourself In Nature

Now, as someone who practices hoodoo, is into esoteric things, loves exploring the metaphysical, and is an astrology girly DOWN, who is running a blog centered around spirituality and the unknown— this is a MUST. As a spiritual girly, this is a MUST. As a 12th House North Node, this is a MUST. It’s so easy to slip into a spiritual psychosis and forget that you are apart of the 3D, wanting to explore spiritual realms, tap into your gifts, and escape reality, but you are indeed a human.

Your spirit guides want you to relax and have fun. They want you to experience immense pleasure. They want you to be connected to the trees and the grass and the moon and the dirt. You’re apart of nature. Remind yourself. Roll in the grass. Talk to trees. Look at the animals with enamor. Feel the breeze of the wind dance on your skin. Absorb the beams from the sun. This is being present.

3. Be Engaging In Conversations

We are in the age of Aquarius right now. If you’re not familiar with astrology, let me put you on game. Basically, each generation falls under a particular archetype of a sign. Aquarius has to do with technological advances, innovativeness, and modernity. Social media platforms have popped up left to right, there’s a new iPhone every year, a new app every year, and something going viral every single day. It’s easy for us to constantly be scrolling on social media, taking in short form content, memes, TikToks, etc. But what about the people who are in your tribe? When you’re around them, are you in your phone as they’re talking to you? How can they truly feel like they matter if you’re in another world as they’re speaking to you?

This is something I’ve had to work on. I’m not perfect and I’m learning to tuck my phone away and be PRESENT, rather than always endlessly scrolling or trying to figure out the next topic for my blog. When I’m around family and friends, I am learning to put the phone AWAY. Really HEAR what they are saying and experiencing. Asking follow up questions, paying attention to the tone in their voice… just overall being attentive and showing up as a human. Nothing on my phone is more important than what the people in my life are telling me. Simple. It can wait. I’m learning to implement this in my day to day.

4. Compliment Strangers

I’m big on this. Sometimes when I’m out, I’ll just compliment a stranger. I like to spread love and be love and exude love. I feel like everyone deserves to feel special. I think that is what pushes humanity forward. I make it a goal to compliment at least one person a day… sometimes two.

“Wow, you have such a pretty smile!”, “That jacket is so nice, where did you get it from?”, “Your hair just looks so flowy and shiny and healthy. It looks good on you!”, “I’m sorry, but you are wearing one of the best outfits I’ve seen so far today.”

I believe that in complimenting others, you’re going to attract the energy you’re putting out. I’m in the middle of a spiritual awakening, and a core theme of this is realizing everything is pretty much interconnected. Making others feel good will result in your feeling good about yourself. It’ll also result in you receiving the love you’re pouring out. That compliment could make someone’s day. It could erase someone’s insecurity. It could trigger introspection, perhaps. I say this because there have been so many times where I thought I didn’t have a pretty smile or that my hair looked a mess or that my outfit was horrible, but in hearing others compliment me, it made me feel better about myself. Made me feel better about the person I was presenting that day. Random compliments push humanity forward. It’s like a chain effect, too. Now, you done complimented this stranger, prompting them to wanna do the same with another stranger. Perhaps, it prompts them to be in a better mood and to treat others better throughout their day.

5. Meditation

So when people usually think of meditation, they think of the typical woosahhhhhhhh, breathe in, breathe out bullshit. Well, it’s not bullshit, but I feel like we’ve lost the plot of what meditation is.

Meditation is the act of performing something and being so in tune with it, that everything else is blocked out. So, cooking is an example. Reading, is an example. Painting, is an example. And just because you’re meditating it doesn’t mean that you’re supposed to have zero thoughts coming up. The point is that you’re supposed to be in the moment and pushing all the outside noise to the back of your head. Seeing those thoughts as passing thoughts that don’t need to take priority over your brain in this moment. Recognizing that the negative thoughts are fleeting and refusing to let it take over what you’re enjoying in the now.

6. Building Community

We cannot grow without community. Another thing I’m learning. I’ve written about the friend group I had before, which was very superficial, surface level, and did nothing for my spirit. Now, I’ve been attracting women who are in alignment with my life path. But outside of friendship, I’ve been hitting up my favorite bookstores and cafes and family owned stores and building connections with the people who work at the places I frequent often. That’s a great way to build community and find your people. For example, I’m an intellectual, intuitive, psychic, spiritual, introspective, fun-spirited person. Naturally, I love being in environments that stimulate my brain and places that get the creative juices flowing. So, why not familiarize myself with the people in these spaces? Why not make a friend in these places? This is a great strategy to find your personal tribe and build connections with people who already somewhat get you and your life path. I find connections in museums, bookstores, artsy spaces, esoteric shops, and Afrocentric themed places.

Make sure you’re also following up with your friends on their ventures and experiences.

“So, how was that date with that guy you were telling me about?”

“That project you were working on… how’s that going?”

“How was your day?”

“I know you said you were searching for a new job. How is that going?”

Stuff like that really matters and shows that you care.

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These are just some small ways I’ve learned to be more present in this day and age of individualism, superficiality, and curated facades. With the presence of social media and instant access to other people’s lives, it becomes easier to forget about our own lives, our community, and the interpersonal relationships that ultimately help guide us through life and give us this ability to sustain a prolonged life expectancy. Studies show that having an active social life actually helps you live longer, so we want to be sure we are not abandoning our human needs when it comes to socializing and engaging. That’s what I’m working on. I have to remind myself every single day to not ostracize myself and enter hermit mode.

I think that being someone who recently discovered I have inherited spiritual gifts from my grandmother, I definitely do need periods of solitude and alone time, but I don’t want to make it excessive. You know? I urge all of y’all to do the same. And tell me… how are y’all becoming more present? I could use all the help I can get.