And Bitch, One Thing About Me I'ma Be Delusional.

Delusion is manifestation. Simple.

First of all, thank y’all so much! I am almost at 350+ subscribers! I wasn’t expecting for my last piece to do so great, if I’m being honest? I just got tired of feeling like I always had to write in a particular way, instead of my own voice. It’s freeing to come to that realization that writing style should always be about honing your own voice and that’s what I’m gonna do from here on out. Reading y’all comments under that post about how much it touched y’all and motivated y’all in your own writing made my heart flutter a little bit. I love that for me! Thank you thank you thank youuuu. My goal is always to challenge the masses, to spark creativity in someone else, to make people… THINK.

Make sure you guys are following my soundtrack on Spotify! I’m planning to post Vol. 2 of ‘Kam’s Soundtrack’ prettyyy soon.

Follow me On Instagram @kamoryrose as well.

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I’m delulu. And I don’t really care. Never gave a fuck, actually. Because life is already serious as is, and if I wanna have a little fun and add a little razzle dazzle to my life then I will. Now obviously, delusion falls on a spectrum. There’s like that mentally ill delusion that means you’re so far gone that the damage has already been done and you’re fully unaware of the delusion, and then there’s that sweet spot in the middle where you know you’re a little cray-cray but you’re AWARE that you’re being a little cray-cray. Then there is the bottom tier of delusion, where you honestly may just come across a tad bit delusional to others when it comes to the way you go about believing in yourself and accomplishing goals. I fluctuate between the bottom tier and the mid tier. I can’t say I’ve ever been extremely delusional. I know I be sounding absolutely insane sometimes. I’m fully aware of the crazy shit I be saying and doing, but it adds a little bit of spice to my life. And also… that is what drives me and my creativity. I can’t even begin to tell y’all how far it has gotten me and how many opportunities I’ve gained because of it.

I’ve always felt like as a creative, you MUST be delusional. You must think your art is the best thing since sliced bread. You must promote yourself, speak highly of yourself, and believe in yourself to the point where you sound manic. I’ve always held this belief that the more you believe in yourself and the more you promote yourself, the more likely others will tune into your work. They’ll eventually see you boasting about your shit and will be like ‘Let me see what this hoe talkin about since she thinks she’s so great.’ And whether they fuck with the shit or not, them niggas still tuned in and familiarized themselves with you, your creations, your voice, your words, your passion, your drive. I think the biggest thing that gets in a lot of artists’ way is the fact that y’all be so scared to post your work constantly. I ain’t ever in my fucking life understand that shit, and to be honest, that may explain why I may be a little off-putting to other artists/creatives because they ain’t used to it. I am relentless in posting my work. No one else is gonna do the shit for you, BUT you. Plenty fear posting their work because they want to avoid coming across as annoying. But really ask yourself: why the fuck do you care about what these people are thinking? I think it’s so pussy to avoid advocating for your creations out of fear of perception or irritating others. You are your biggest marketer.

For me, I’m going to pop my shit regardless. That shit ain’t ever leaving me. I don’t care if I’m a beginner at something. I don’t care if I don’t have all the resources. In my mind, nobody is fucking with me. It ain’t like I’m not aware that others may have more experience or knowledge or be more established in whatever industry. I am fully aware. I know I don’t know everything and I take pride in my ability to learn from others. Humble enough to recognize that there are areas I could be better in, but definitely not humble enough to diminish my essence, my aura, my voice, my courage, or my spirit just because I’m not where I want to be yet. In spite of everything, I am EVERYTHING. And then some. And then some more. I am brilliant, magnetic, witty, alluring, dynamic, fearless, authentic, raw, real, honest… a phenomenal woman. And everyone sees it. Even your man. Even your bitch! Everyone loves me. Everyone admires me. Everyone adores me. Everyone takes notes from me. Everyone is obsessed with me.

I go to sleep every night daydreaming about my future, creating fake scenarios in my head, picturing myself in a Jimmy Fallon interview talking about my creative journey, what led to my success, my partner/kids, upcoming projects, etc. I have an entire Pinterest board dedicated to the type of life I want. I already have my home decor picked out, my partner archetype, the clothes I’ll wear, the area I’ll live in, the exact company of the job I’ll work at. I may be far gone, but it gets me through. It keeps me pushing. It keeps me moving. If you don’t find yourself in a constant state of escapism or delusion as an artist… in MY EYES, you ain’t passionate enough and you don’t want it enough. Those delusions are what will push you to continue on irregardless of what you do and don’t have. You’re always going to make a way because that vision is engrained in every fiber of your being. It just doesn’t escape you.

When I had my podcast, Heauxsome Black Girl, with a friend— I remember rubbing people off the wrong way for saying that we were the absolute best podcast in Philadelphia. Other podcasters felt a way about that. I remember one female duo (who we were actually cool as fuck with) being so annoyed by it, that they dropped a podcast clip throwing shade at us for our confidence, taking offense that we thought we were the best. So many of the people who watched our podcast commented under that post, clocking the bitches for their shade without us even saying anything. Pretty soon, the shit was deleted because the ditsy bitches realized how dumb they looked. The clip was so nasty, but it just confirmed to me that we really were who we thought knew we were. I can’t help that everyone doesn’t have that cockiness or that grit in them. It’s in you, not on you! There’s this confident aura I possess that plenty cannot stand. In my world, I am the baddest most gorgeous intelligent supreme bitch alive. If you think otherwise, then that is fine. That’s just an opinion that exists in an alternate universe that I’ll never reside in.

I have so many stories, man. Bitches cannot stand me. Niggas too, actually. It brings me joy though and I will no longer act as if I don’t enjoy it. I revel in it. It puts this battery in my back that forces me to step it up and never stop applying pressure, nor creating. More creatives need to be this way. There are so many opportunities that would potentially come your way if you just chose to be delusional instead of playing it safe all the fucking time. Instead of caring about perception and perfectionism and a curated image 24/7. It hinders the process. Artists must be insane because everything about it requires you to rebel in some way, shape, or form. Everything about it forces others to see themselves. Nothing about being an artist is about ‘playing it safe.’ You have to move the needle, question tradition, and defy norms while still standing on business. That would make you a visionary.

My deluluness transcends my creativity though. I romanticize every damn thing. My mom tells me this is a flaw, but I beg to differ. Romanticizing the mundane just reminds me that I haven’t lost my ability to feel. It serves as a gentle reminder that I haven’t lost all hope in humanity or life. Yes, I be watching bees in the park admiring them for their dedication to a singular flower. Yes, I romanticized the fuck out of a father at my job and the way he interacted with his children. Yes, I see a tree and feel this need to sit near it and talk to it. Yes, I take everything as a sign. Is it a crime to look at the moon in admiration for it’s ability to look so close, yet so far? Just untouchable. Unreachable. Magnetic. And don’t get me started on how the pictures never do her justice. You just have to catch her in person to capture the beauty in it’s entirety. You know? Maybe it is delusion. Or maybe it’s just hope. Maybe romanticizing small shit is what helps me fight through my own occasional bouts of depression, creative block, and personal insecurities. That’s my method. I mean, I could be doing far worst. I could be snorting lines of cocaine or popping percs. So is it really wrong to find the beauty in everything that happens in my life?

Am I really too far gone for choosing to look at everything as poetry? My silly little crushes, my daily routines, my favorite foods, my experiences… all poetry to me. All serving as my muses. I’ll sit and write about three of my crushes, merging them into one person. I be in my crib writing romantic short stories about niggas I like, a glimpse in the day in the life of my future, penning love letters to my future man, all kinds of shit LMAOOO. It’s just fantasy and it’s fun.

I will flirt with that barista in Starbucks even if I am not interested, because everyone deserves a little love in their lives. I am going to start a conversation with a homeless person and sit and listen to them yap about their daily escapades. I am going to compliment the FUCK out of a random person’s outfit, just to see them light up. It fulfills me to create beauty out of my life and to be so delusional that it makes others uncomfortable. In my eyes, my life is a romance novel. 🌹 Why aren’t you doing the same?

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#YAPSESSHHHH 🍒🍒🌹

Sound off in the comments.

1. In what ways does delusion drive your creativity?

2. What is the most delusional shit you’ve done as a creative?

3. Is it really ‘delusion’ or manifestation? Or Both?